It
could be said that this season of Hell’s Kitchen is filled with villains,
almost like a Survivor-esque stunt of some sort. I wouldn’t necessarily debate that point too
much (though squeaky voice and Mr. Mohawk have done a good job of playing the
game the right way, much like old guy (pour one out!) did during his time in
the kitchen). This episode took a
WWE-type turn that really drove home the fact that one of the contestants is a
true “bad guy” (at least in terms of this show). Who is that chef? Like the producers of Hell’s Kitchen I will
string you along for a bit before I tell you, unlike the producers of Hell’s
Kitchen, I’ll actually tell you.
We
start off this episode with Ramsay telling the red team to take their heads out
of their collective asses and come to a consensus as to who is going over to
the blue kitchen. No more of this “we
picked a name out of a hat because we all wanted to be a hero” bullshit. The red team comes to the consensus that they
are exiling fat black girl to the island of misfit toys that is currently the
blue team. The blue team, obviously,
can’t be happier that they are getting the queen of the hissy fit on their
team. Fat black girl does some bitching
about not wanting to lose challenges, blah blah blah (at this point I have to
tune her out or start sharpening my toothbrush for ear drum penetration).
The
next morning, the chefs are greeted with their next reward challenge. They will be cooking an ethnic dish in a
head-to-head style competition between the teams. Ramsay asks one of the chefs
who they want to cook against, then they spin the “Wheel-O-Countries” and land
on a type of food. The four cuisines
that are selected are Indian, Greek, Thai and Japanese. Of course blonde girl has to say something
stupid and end it with “konichiwa” like she’s in the back of a middle school
history class. She’s dumb, and I hate her
probably more than anyone I have ever witnessed in this competition. Sometimes being a chef means you have to be a
bad person (well, you don’t have to but a lot of them are) but she takes the
taco.
We also
get the standard “I’ve never cooked that kind of dish before” from at least
half of the chefs. I’ll admit, I’ve
never cooked any of those kinds of dishes before either, but I’m also not on a
show where I’m expected to know what I’m doing.
I’ll give you a quick run-down of how the challenge goes, leaving out
the point where blonde girl is perplexed by the rice cooker and squeaky voice
burns her rice for her Indian dish. Mr.
Mohawk beats squeaky voice on the Indian dish, and I’m not sure if the rice
would have saved her as the judges (Ramsay and a big cheese at the Rachel Ray
magazine) really liked Mr. Mohawk’s dish. From there, it’s all downhill for the
blue team. Mixed up Cyndi beats guy that
doesn’t get a petname in the Greek challenge (not by much, and he’s clearly the
second best chef on the blue team), fat black girl gets trounced by skinny
black girl when it comes to Thai food (mainly because fat black girl’s dish
doesn’t taste like Thai food and the big cheese from the Rachel Ray magazine
nearly had an orgasm while eating the dish from skinny black girl), and loud
guy gets beat by blonde girl on Japanese cuisine. The best part is that when she picked him for
the head-to-head, he got all butt-hurt and couldn’t believe that she would do
so, that apparently it was surely going to be a loss for her. Granted, this was before they knew that they
were cooking Japanese food, and way before he decided to place overdone, dry
chicken in his dish (how often do you see chicken in Japanese cooking? (not
often). His dish was terrible and the
red team rightfully won this round. It
sucks because Mr. Mohawk seems like the strongest chef in the competition at
this point (followed very closely by squeaky voice) but he’s stuck with the
single worst team in the history of this show.
I feel bad for him, but at the same time, he signed up to be on Hell’s
Kitchen, so I don’t feel too bad for him.
The red
team gets a $500.00 shopping spree ($2000.00 total split four ways) which
Ramsay just takes out of his pocket and hands over. This fucking guy. I bet he gets off on moments like this – that
and calling people donkey. The blue team
gets to prep both kitchens for dinner service that night, while also polishing
the stemware and moving in many, many cases of wine. It’s not the worst punishment, but it doesn’t
make it any easier that fat black girl just doesn’t want to help. The guys move all the wine in by themselves
and when they sit down to clean the stemware they are accosted by her bitching
about their kitchen and their cooking practices, with that being the reason
they keep losing. She’s talking like her
dish was perfect and everyone else let her down. Someone needs to just hit her. Please.
The red
team comes back and gets dressed for the dinner service. As Hell’s Kitchen is about to open, fat black
girl has still not finished prepping her station. To top it off, she won’t let anyone else help
her, and once the cooking starts she continues to try and go it alone, refusing
help from anyone else, regardless of the fact that she’s sinking like a stone. She’s not doing well at all, and I’d like to
say that the other members of her team pick up the slack and are able to finish
dinner service successfully, but they never get the chance. Ramsay kicks them all out before they can
even send out all of the appetizers.
Over in
the red kitchen it’s not much better. This
is where our true villain emerges.
Blonde girl does what she always does and just goes about her business,
expecting other people to play catch-up, and letting them take the fall when
stuff goes wrong. This week’s recipient
of that is skinny black girl. She is on
the fish station which means that she needs to send up the scallops to coincide
with the rest of the appetizers (a station being manned by blonde girl). Of course, this is when blonde girl pulls her
shit and doesn’t tell skinny black girl that her food is almost ready to go,
which means that skinny black girl has to drop her scallops and rush them. Instead of facing the wrath of Ramsay for not
coming up together, and then being able to turn that around on blonde girl and
her poor leadership, skinny black girl decides that the best course of action
is to only cook the scallops on one side and…hope that Ramsay doesn’t see
it? Really? That’s your endgame here? Hoping that the chef with the highest
standards of any I have ever seen doesn’t perform the simple task of flipping
over the scallops? I get it, it’s a spur
of the moment decision and it’s one thing to be able to watch it play out in
front of you on the television and a completely different thing to actually be
there when it’s happening. That being
said, it was still a stupid move, though one that was predicated by blonde girl
being a horrible person. To top it off,
blonde girl gets in the “confessional” and talks even more about how it’s not
her job to help anyone along. I can’t
wait until Ramsay exposes her for the fraud she really is.
Somehow,
someway, the appetizers leave the kitchen which I guess just proves that being
a horrible person and a terrible leader doesn’t mean you can’t cook. When entrees start coming out, Ramsay loses
it though. The fish is raw. This also falls on skinny black girl, and it
is actually all her fault this time. At
this point, Ramsay has already banished the blue team, so his tolerance level
is at a low point. You can see him start
to crack before he just kicks the red team out.
It’s almost like watching Roger Rabbit drink alcohol.
The
best part of this episode is watching the chef on each team that is the
absolute worst (blonde girl and fat black girl) try and explain that they
aren’t. It’s a little easier for blonde
girl because she makes other people fuck up while fat black girl just does it
all herself, but still. Trying to say
that she is a better all-around chef than skinny black girl? Come on.
Luckily the red team puts her up for elimination anyway. Fat black girl goes absolutely bananas when
the possibility of being put up for elimination comes up. It apparently doesn’t matter that the dinner
service didn’t even make it past her station.
She keeps saying that loud guy was sabotaging her (which he denies and
we are not shown any evidence to support her claim). She screams and storms off, saying that she
will not be put up for elimination, which is silly because she is obviously
outvoted. We get to elimination and
blonde girl doesn’t understand why she is being put up (Ramsay doesn’t either
but he also hasn’t seen the tape of how truly horrible she is) and when Mr.
Mohawk replies that fat black girl is being put up for elimination she responds
with “no”. As if that will save
her. She’s acting like a fucking child
and it’s such a relief when she gets sent home.
No more bitching and complaining, no more talk about her hoo-ha, as one
of the blue team exclaims after being dismissed “ding dong the witch is
dead”.
Next
episode claims that one of the chefs does something truly horrible and blah
blah blah, you can’t trust the promos for this show, so instead just watch it
to see Ramsay lose his mind.
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