Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Hell’s Kitchen Episode 13: A Whole Lot of Not Much.

                We got to cross off another event from the Hell’s Kitchen checklist with this episode’s “Blind Taste Test” in which the chefs are blindfolded and then have to guess the food that is put in their mouth while Ramsay ridicules them for thinking that Brussels Sprouts is Cauliflower (that actually happened, no joke).  Before we get to that though, Ramsay quizzes the chefs on their senses (kind of as a precursor to the whole taste-test thing) and he picks guy with no nickname and mixed up Cyndi to test their sense of touch.  This involves the chefs putting their hands through a box with holes cut into it and into a bowl of a mystery food.  The foods were eggs, polenta and oysters.  I’m impressed by their tactile ability as I don’t think I would have answered correctly to any except eggs (to be fair, I’ve never touched an oyster before, so there’s that).  The blue team won with a clean sweep, three out of three!  Their prize…

…nothing.

                Yup, Ramsay pulled the old switcheroo on them.  That was all there as a setup for the blind taste-test.  Even when the guys win they can’t win.  It is therefore hilarious to see their reaction when they think they are the victors only to realize that they’ve won nothing.  On to the taste-test, where Ramsay gives them pretty standard fare in terms of food to taste.  The real comedy comes from watching Ramsay have fun at the expense of the chefs.  He’ll say the name of a food and then give a look to the un-blindfolded chefs as if to say “I could get this right with my head underwater and a pit bull (the dog, not the douchey “singer”) clamped on each nipple, and I bet you these fuckers think it’s something stupid like peas”.  Then we also get to people that are force-fed spoonfuls of food and the process they go through to determine what that food is.  Some people eat it normally, some (like loud guy) basically immerse his entire mouth in the food, almost like he’s using it as mouthwash.  It’s equal parts funny and disgusting, like when a baby shits on someone.

                You know what the best part is about the guys winning the not-quite-real challenge?  The fact that they lost the actual challenge…again!  The girls got a nice little day of relaxation and horseback riding (which makes me wonder if Ramsay held off on this reward until fat black girl was gone, for the sake of the horses), while the guys have to prep for the dinner service the following day as well as unload the truck when it comes.  Of course, the guys unload the ice truck a little too much because guy with no nickname just signed the purchase order without actually reading it so Hell’s Kitchen was overrun with unnecessary bags of ice.  The guys then had to put back the bags that were not theirs, making double the work for the beleaguered blue crew.  The other two blue chefs were obviously no longer a fan of guy with no nickname after that.

                So we’ve had the challenge, we’ve had the punishment/reward, now it’s time for dinner service, right?  Not so fast!  Ramsay throws everyone a curveball by offering up a second challenge.  This one is an individual challenge that carries the ultimate prize, immunity from elimination.  The challenge itself is actually fairly simple; just cook a dish, any dish and present it to Ramsay (much like their initial “signature dish” challenge from the first week of competition).  This is to judge the chefs’ growth in the competition.  Some of the remaining chefs put up some truly horrendous meals in that first episode, and Ramsay wants to see who has learned from their time in Hell’s Kitchen.  Everyone that has ever been a chef, or even known a chef, realizes that the profession is a constant learning experience, whether it be new techniques, new dishes or new foods altogether, so this challenge will help Ramsay gauge who is open to and able to learn and grow as a chef.  Ramsay judges it “king of the mountain” style where each subsequent dish has to be good enough to knock the current champion off the throne.  Skinny black girl goes first and maintains her position on top of the throne for quite some time until Mr. Mohawk sneaks in with a well cooked fish dish.  Mr. Mohawk triumphantly sits on the throne until mixed up Cyndi comes up with her dish and…

To be continued.


                While I understand cutting it off at that point, this episode sure felt weird and incomplete without a dinner service in it, hence this week's name.  This week makes up for it though as more celebrity guests show up for dinner, the chefs prove that they are still having trouble cooking even at this stage of the game, and Ramsay loses his cool again.

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