A visit
from the Hawk God begins this issue of Guardians
of the Galaxy. Why, pray tell is
this omniscient being poking his head around the plane of mortals? Because his two “children” are acting
like…well…children. At the end of last
issue, Aleta and Starhawk were fused together at the hand because of their
constant bickering and fighting. This is
a punishment usually reserved for children on time-out, make them sit next to
eachother and hold hands, but I guess a cosmic time-out isn’t the worst idea in
the world, especially when the individual doing the disciplining is an all
powerful demi-god.
Starhawk
tries to be the voice of reason in the partnership with Aleta but she acts like
a petulant child and flies off, with Starhawk in tow of course, their stuck
together after all. Starhawk tries to
calm Aleta down to no avail (she hasn’t shown the ability to trust him in
forty-six issues) but, something flips in her head and she all of a sudden is
fine with him, like nothing happened.
She realizes she needs to work together with him in order to get out of
their current plight. While I detest how
Aleta is written in terms of her general attitude, having her flip-flop back
and forth is just silly. She is easily
the least-likable character on the team (and this is a team with Talon!). Anyway…Starhawk and Aleta blip out of existence
to go back to the past and fix time, so Yondu’s homeworld can be destroyed
later than planned (yup, that’s the reason for going back in time, not to save
Yondu’s homeworld, just to prevent it from being destroyed so soon).
The
rest of the Guardians are then teleported by the Beyonder so that they can
destroy Malevolence and her dear old daddy Mephisto as well as deal with the
Protégé (whether that means kill the kid or not I’m not 100% sure). Mephisto strikes first by removing the
preservation spell around Vance Astro, the one that keeps him from aging at an
accelerated rate. This causes him to
turn into an old guy and fall to the floor, as most old guys tend to do.
We
quickly turn back to Aleta and Starhawk and two pages later, the timeline is
restored. Seriously, for having two
uber-powerful characters on their team, the Guardians sure do get themselves in
a heap of trouble every month.
After
another quick interlude, in which Sidestep brokers a deal with Overkill
(remember him? Of course you do) we
travel back to the Guardians and old man Astro.
Vance is writhing around on the floor, probably dying when all of a
sudden the black on his costume springs to life. Those with even the weakest comics knowledge
probably know of Spiderman’s black costume that was actually an alien. Spidey received that costume during the 80’s
crossover Secret Wars from…you guessed it, the Beyonder!. It seems like Vance got his own version of
Spidey’s black costume from the Beyonder and it’s cocooning him so that the
atmosphere no longer causes him to age.
Now, it never says that it de-ages him, so I assume that he is just
hanging out in there as an old man, which would explain why he is such a
miserable asshole all the time. The suit
amplifies his powers though, which causes him to take care of Malevolence and
Mephisto fairly easily. The Beyonder
then shows up to reveal his backstage machinations and the Protégé (remember
him? He’s still here) wants to fight
him. Just as those two characters are
ready to duke it out they are transported by the Living Tribunal to stand trial
in front of a Celestial (Marvel’s giant god-like robots). 
You’d
think they’d try and keep this story going, seeing as how it may actually be
interesting, but no. This story is to be
continued so that we can make room for the dumbest back up story in
comics. Apparently Marvel ran some kind
of contest where readers could create a new hairstyle for Talon, and they ran
the six “best” (and that’s a relative term) as a backup story here. Oh Marvel, what are we going to do with you.
Next issue: Talon does a little man-scaping.
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