The Asshole Bracket Finale

Please note, the italicized text is what that asshole did to garner the title.

People that use welfare as a job (1)

vs.

Josef Stalin – General Asshole.  Dictator of the main opponent of the United States and freedom in general (3)

–

Matt-  This is it.  For all the marbles.  While Stalin narrowly edged out Justin Bieber (boy, that was a weird sentence to write), people that use Welfare as their job kept steamrolling their competition to reach the finals.  I do not see that changing here, and I’ll tell you why.

1.     Stalin is old news.  As shitty as that sounds, it’s true.  Welfare, and those that abuse it, is a fairly recent development, historically speaking.  Sure, there were always “those people” but I contest that there is a greater percentage of the population that abuses the system now than there has ever been (and it will continue to grow unless Welfare-reform is made a priority before the next generation comes of age to abuse it as well).

2.     The general “not in my backyard” mentality.  Sure, Stalin was alive and reigning supreme years ago, but he was doing so in the Soviet Union, while Welfare abuse, especially the kind I am speaking of here, is an American problem.  We want to be number one, always have.  USA! USA!

I do realize that in the creation of this tournament, I left out a lot, and I do mean a lot of qualified candidates.  Believe me, I could cherry pick from the Middle East and probably fill an entire bracket, but that doesn’t mean that who or what was picked, isn’t deserving.  Believe me, for every Murray State (ISIS in this case), someone that has a great resume, you have a Kentucky (Welfare Rats) that has to make it in, based solely on how dominant they are.  If that analogy falls flat on you, I apologize.  Sometimes mixing in sports metaphors tends to alienate part of the audience.

Nik, what say you?  Are we looking for a dominant run by Welfare Rats?  Is this the John Wooden UCLA Bruins?  Does Stalin stand a chance? 

Nik- Well damn. The Biebs is out. If only our highly influential, purely theoretical bracket could reflect real life…

I think you really summed it up. Stalin’s generations ago. Welfare’s now. That being said, I was really confident in both Bieber and Cosby, and they both let me down. Well, I will no longer place my hopes and dreams upon those two, I can tell you that much.

All in all, I feel that it’s pretty straight forward at this point. This ain’t yer grandpa’s Asshole Bracket. (his is in the locked closet in his bedroom) Our generation’s greatest evil is clearly Welfare Abusers.

Or is it?