Friday, March 27, 2015

London Calling

The London games, though they give us a full day of football here sometimes, are just silly.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Not so New Comic Review: Earth X #6

                Ah the X-Men, my favorite comic growing up, let’s see what has become of Charlie’s team of outcasts in the Earth X universe.  We start with a short conversation about Reed Richards’ actions and what the Inhumans found at the end of the last issue (the time machine).  We then cut to the history of the X-Men, including the origin of Magneto and the formation of the original and “Giant Size” teams. 

                The reason this issue is X-Men-centric is revealed in the first page after the origin.  Reed Richards is at the ruins of the X-Mansion to try and locate Cerebro, the old mutant detecting device, in order to use it to find the missing Inhumans, almost like a magnet to search for a needle in a haystack.  What Reed encounters instead is a blast from the past as the X-Men are tearing up the mansion in a fight with the Sentinels.  Of course, this is just a Danger Room scenario that was triggered by Reed’s entrance into the mansion.  Reed shuts off the program and plugs himself into Cerebro to begin his mission. 

                We then cut to one of the last remaining X-Men, Cyclops, as an old man, just walking along when he stumbles upon a group of mutants.  He adeptly takes them all out though because, apparently this is an alternate universe where Cyclops is a badass.  The group of mutants attacked Cyclops in order to show him how tough they are.  It turns out that Captain America sent the group to Cyclops for training, which they did not think they needed…and the best way to show that is to attack Cyclops.  This obviously didn’t work as an old man in a trench coat kicked their collective asses. 

                We now travel to Dr. Strange’s house where Clea, the reigning Sorcerer Supreme with Dr. Strange out of commission, is preparing to send the Hulk-Ape into the land of the dead to deliver a message to Mar-Vell.  Apparently, Hulk-Ape, not having a real mind of his own does not have to worry about going mad in a place like the land of the dead. 

                In Iron Man’s sanctuary we get a conversation on ethics between him and Vision, where Vision attempts to reason with him, explaining that Iron Man is actually needed by the people out beyond his walls, possibly foreshadowing some actual involvement by Iron Man in future issues.  We quickly cut to Cyclops agreeing to train the team of ragtag mutants, after he fits them with new uniforms, that of course have an X on them, before we focus on Spiderman and his daughter having a heart to heart on a water tower regarding her involvement in superheroics.
                We get a quick glimpse of the Skull’s forces traveling across the country via train, apparently heading to New York.  Along for the ride is Cap and Daredevil.  We end with an appendix that explains what happened to many of the X-Men.  Iceman is alone at the North Pole; Angel is flying around trying to help the unfortunate souls; Magneto has isolated himself amidst a city of repurposed Sentinels; Multiple Man is basically a living breathing CNN, providing info to everyone that wants it; Banshee, Nightcrawler, Shadowcat, X-Man, Gambit and Rogue died; Dazzler is still touring, singing Disco music, Longshot and Cable have disappeared and the telepaths died when the Skull was born.  It’s a pretty shitty day to be an X-Man.

Next Issue: Cap rides a train, the new X-Men train and Reed trains his brain to find Inhumans.  You see what I did there?

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

The Asshole Bracket Final Four

Please note, the italicized text is what that asshole did to garner the title.

Justin Bieber – A shining example of what is wrong with today’s youth (4)
Josef Stalin – General Asshole.  Dictator of the main opponent of the United States and freedom in general (3)

Matt-  Bieber or Stalin…Bieber or Stalin…It may just be too close to call.  Seriously.  Would I rather live in Communist Russia or listen to Bieber’s music?  Would I rather try to endure the harsh winters of Siberia as a political prisoner, or sit through a showing of “Never Say Never”?  At least Communist Russia had some culture to  it…

That being said, I’m still picking Stalin. 

Nik- In Soviet Russia, Bieber love you!
        When you actually break it down, sure Stalin was a much bigger villain. But Villains is so last year, am I right? But when it comes to the body hairless science experiment gone wrong that is Justin Bieber, I think he’s a much bigger asshole. Bieber on this one. He’ll continue his move.

People that use welfare as a job (1)
Lance Armstrong – Doping/Lying/Destroying the lives of those that were trying to expose his doping/lying (1)

Matt- Lance Armstrong is a deplorable human being, hands down, no contest.  People that use Welfare as a job are a whole class of people.  Are they being enabled by a government that would rather hold everyone’s hand than see them do things for themselves?  Absolutely.  Does that make them any less of an asshole for using and abusing the system?  Nope.  Just like at the beginning of every month, “Welfare” wins again.
Nik-  I thiiiiink Welfare’s going to take this one. But my vote is Lance. I think, with him, you can put a face to the asshole, if you will. (gross) Whereas the whole welfare skidoo is more of a mass/faceless crime. It’s easier to hate an asshole you can see (still gross), than to hate a collective of assholes. (possibly the grossest)

Monday, March 23, 2015

String of Bad Luck

Week Eight-


Assorted Freaks:

The Masked Shrimp
The Slugomatic
The Wormy Guy
The Masked Shrimpette
Mr. Happee

The Masked Shrimp v. The Masked Shrimpette
The Slugomatic v. The Wormy Guy

Fred v. Mr. Happee

This may or may not have been a verbatim conversation from this past season...

Friday, March 20, 2015

Down Week for Most

Remember when Peyton could be counted on for thirty points every week?
Then the temperature dipped below fifty degrees...

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Not so New Comic Review: Earth X #5

                We begin this issue, as we have with every issue thus far, with an origin story.  This particular origin story is for evryone’s favorite blonde-tressed Asgardian.  That’s right, Thor will play a major part in this issue.  I must say, the way Krueger and Ross are slow-burning the introduction of the heroes here, while also filling the issues with material in the interim is incredible.  They could have easily decompressed everything to the point where nothing happens until all of the heroes are revealed, but instead they give us a full story in each issue and then slowly bring the heroes along.  It’s masterful storytelling, and something that made me a longtime Krueger fan.

                Anyway, after the introduction (with more stellar art by Leon) we travel back to Latveria where the Inhumans and Reed Richards have come to the realization (at the end of last issue) that with the help of old Charlie Xavier’s Cerebro mutant finder, they can locate the missing Inhumans and reunite the kingdom.  It should be noted that when the Red Skull’s powers first manifested themselves, all of the telepaths died out, that means no Xavier, no Phoenix, no Emma Frost, etc.  Of course, once Reed leaves Doom’s castle, the Doom Bots attack the Inhumans.  It’s pretty well established that the Inhumans are capable of taking care of themselves in a fight though, so we don’t even stick around to see how that turns out.

                Instead, we are back to California.  Here, we see that  the hold that the Red Skull has over his “subjects” is not total and unbreakable.  Iron Maiden shows that she has a mind of her own, even though she is forced to follow the Red Skull, and she might even be a “hero” or what passes for a hero in this reality.  We now focus in on Cap, who is still in California, but is now just hanging out, extremely dejected at the humiliation of not being able to save his country, and losing yet another sidekick (seriously, who’s the worse mentor, Cap or Batman?).  Daredevil, the guy that can’t die wants to partner up with Cap, solely for the reason that all of Cap’s partners wind up killed.  This can only end well, right?

                Back in New York, at the home of Clea, the Sorcerer Supreme, picking up right where we left off at the end of the last issue.  We find out that Clea took over for Dr. Strange when he was attacked and put into a coma by an unknown force.  We then go into some mystical stuff regarding Mar-Vell and death/rebirth.  It’s a little crazy, but illustrated beautifully, and the coloring on this is excellent as everything is illuminated by the candle in the center of the room. 

                With that, it’s time to introduce Thor, who just so happens to be a woman now thanks to a trick from Loki (yes, Thor was a woman years before it became a stunt by Marvel to sell books and appear like they were progressive.  We get a brief exchange between Thor and Loki, where Loki is funny and condescending at the same time (as is his way) and then we are on to a quick jump around the Marvel Universe.  Our first stop is with Cyclops, who is now a balding old man that looks like he should be teaching history, not saving the world.  He is talking on a video conference with his father, Corsair of the Starjammers along with his brother Havok, and I’m assuming his sister-in-law Polaris.  Cyclops is pissed because his father is willing to come pick him up and get him away from Earth, but only him, leaving Jean Grey on Earth (even though it doesn’t appear as the two are together – and how she survived the telepath purge I have no idea).  We get confirmation that Jean is not with Scott on the next page as we see that she is with Wolverine.  Both would look more comfortable in WalMart than they would in tights saving the day at this point.

                Our last stop is back in Latveria, where the Inhumans are finishing up the dismantling of the Doom Bots.  Medusa then goes inside Reed’s lab and realizes that he has access to Doom’s time machine, and in his journals, we see Reed’s struggle with using that time machine to go back and fix everything and the moral quandary he has before him. 

                With that, we end this issue after a quick synopsis of the whereabouts of a few other Avengers (Ant-Man, Ms. Marvel and Wonder Man). 

Next Issue: What part does Lady-Thor play in this story?  Will Cyclops finally stop being a baby about Jean Grey, and who the hell changes Ape-Hulk’s diapers?