If you don't get this joke, ask your mother.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Here we go! An anniversary issue, from back when that meant something! Before a time when the comics were just rebooted every time management wanted a boost in sales. That being said, in the nineties, when there was an anniversary, or even just some kind of special event, we got not only a double issue, but also a fancy cover of some kind. This one is odd. Usually the fancy cover would be some kind of holofoil or embossed, or something. This cover is kind of holographic, with a little raised ink, but it’s kind of stuck halfway between the two. Almost like they were trying something new with this cover and it didn’t take. Regardless of the cover, let’s see what the interiors hold for the Guardians and the Silver Surfer.
This is the big one, the big showdown between two huge cosmic forces! But first, loads and loads of exposition. First, we get a recap of last issue, which takes all of one page, then we get an even more in-depth accounting of what the Silver Surfer has been up to. Apparently he was stripped of his power cosmic by Galactus but was saved by a Watcher named Aron, who convinced the Surfer that the power cosmic was in him the whole time (how very Walt Disney) which gave the Surfer his power back.
To help battle the giant threat that is Galactus, Vance calls up Mainframe and Martinex to see if anyone else is available. Unfortunately the connection was severed, by what, we won’t know until the second annual (review coming next week). So the Guardians basically have to go it alone on this one. Even the Surfer, who dwarfs pretty much everyone with his power is not available to help as he is transporting the people on the planet below out of the way of the planet-eater. Luckily, the Guardians have Firelord to assist them against Galactus…for all of five minutes… as Galactus makes short work of his former herald.
At this, Charlie decides that is up to him, Starhawk and Talon to stop Galactus (much to Talon’s chagrin). They head outside after suiting up and basically buzz around Galactus like flies while Firelord is being tended to by Nikki. Outside the ship, Talon pulls out some magic that he learned as an apprentice to Krugarr, the sorcerer supreme and it starts to get out of hand. Doctor Strange shows up and reverses the spell, saving everyone in the process but confesses that he is too weak to do anything else and leaves. Doctor Strange is a jerk. Luckily the loss of Doctor Strange is softened by the return of Firelord.
While all this is going on, Vance goes to find Yondu, who has been praying this whole time. Doctor Strange is a jerk, but Yondu is just a shitty teammate. Apparently the people of Centauri IV that Yondu thought were all extinct were not. He’s been super emo this whole time for no reason is what that amounts to. Anyway, he realizes it’s his purpose in life to go be amongst his people. Unfortunately, Yondu can’t teleport planetside with the power of his Guardian Star alone, so Vance gives him his as well, which gives him enough power to teleport down. Why Yondu couldn’t have waited until the battle was over, maybe help defeat Galactus first, I have no idea.
Back outside, Charlie grabs a gun off of the space ship and shoots it at Galactus (nope, not sure how he does this either). This doesn’t do anything at all to Galactus, who just flicks the air in front of Charlie and Talon and they fly back. Firelord keeps fighting until the Surfer, fresh from having teleported a whole society off the world below, shows up and is now the size of Galactus. How? Again, I have no idea. Those two go back and forth a bit until the Surfer has the upper hand and is about to deal the killing blow, when Eon, that creepy bastard, pops up and tells the Surfer to spare him. Instead of killing Galactus, the Surfer actually allows him to eat the now uninhabited planet below. So, basically, this whole story was unnecessary as Galactus feasted on a planet anyway.
After Galactus is done, Eon suggests that the Surfer travels with Galactus and helps him find suitable planets to feast on…basically the same thing he was doing as a herald, except now he’s saving the people on the planet below instead of condemning them.
To wrap things up, we see Yondu meet his people, Nikki and Firelord have a relationship talk where they decide to just be friends, and Eon tells Firelord he is still the Protector of the Universe because the Surfer has reformed his board and is now a quasi-herald of Galactus again.
The end? The end.
Next Issue: We take a step back and look at the second annual before moving on to issue twenty-six in two weeks.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
What can I say, I’m a masochist when it comes to music. I like to have complete catalogues when it comes to my favorite musicians. Sometimes this is a good thing (Alice Cooper, AC/DC) but oftentimes it’s not. Not only that, but I used to fall into the trap of hearing one or two great songs and purchasing a whole album because of it, which sometimes produced a diamond, but usually only coal. During this series, we will dwell on some of the albums I have in my collection that are downright terrible. I will re-listen to them all and give you my impression of them.
Now this is only my opinion, so don’t take it as gospel. If you like a particular album in this series, let me know, we’ll open up a discussion about it. I’m always open to discussing the merits of any particular album, and if you have any suggestions (and especially if you have the album itself and are willing to share your views) then let me know and I’d be happy to add it to the list.
Release Date: 2002
Why you bought it: I had either just been to, or was going to a concert where Poison was playing, I think it was when they were playing with Skid Row and Vince Neil, but don’t remember for certain, and decided that I wanted to hear some Poison. Hollyweird was either the only Poison album available, or the cheapest one available at the time.
First impressions: I didn’t really know Poison that well, just the singles, and not even all of those but I thought that it was okay, not great at all, but not the worst.
Impressions upon listening to it recently: It’s just generic, sappy pop. Poison was never the best band to come out of this genre in the 80’s, but they were at least decent, and the bluesier albums they put out in the early to mid 90’s were actually pretty good. This is a far cry from any of that though as the songs here are just fluff pieces.
Any saving grace?: The Who’s “Squeeze Box” is a decent, if quite vanilla, cover, but it’s probably the best track on the album.
Was it worth the purchase?: For a complete original album catalogue, maybe. For the actual content, not really.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Friday, February 28, 2014
I wrote this joke after watching Trevor Cooney of the Syracuse Orange single-handedly destroy Notre Dame.
He hasn't played acceptable basketball since then. So I apologize for that.
A Chris Brown joke that references the Lilith Fair?
Yup, the relevance of this joke will dissipate in 3...2...1.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
We open on quite the conflict of interest as Aleta, speaking through Starhawk is trying to get Vance to give their relationship a try, even though he would, in essence, be dating a man with a girly voice, and only for part of the time. In fact, it doesn’t even seem like there is much of a rhyme or reason as to who is present or when. That could create some awkward pillow-talk for sure. Starhawk tries to explain to Aleta exactly what is going on and why she shouldn’t be put off by the fact that Vance doesn’t want any part of her (which is so nice considering the fact that it is Starhawk’s fault she’s trapped like that to begin with) to no avail. In fact, Aleta continues to cause extreme pain to Starhawk at every turn, to remind him that she’s there and she’s pissed.
After that little drama-filled escape we head out for some more bonding time! This time it’s between Yondu and everyone’s favorite pointless character, Talon! Talon, in an attempt to learn more about Yondu has struck up a conversation where, much like a first date, they ask each other questions. It’s a way for the readers to learn more about the characters, I get that, but boy is it a painful exchange between these two.
Now it’s time for even more drama as Nikki and Charlie chat about their feelings. Nikki feels unloved because ever since she dumped Charlie she’s been rebuffed by every guy she throws herself at (it’s been enough to be noticeable for sure). They chat a bit more, Nikki seems to be ready to go back to Charlie, almost out of desperation, but he cuts her off completely. Denied once again, Nikki cuts her losses and resigns herself to the fact that she and Charlie are just friends. Whether Valentino is setting up a will they-won’t they relationship thing or what, I’m not sure but it’s a little much to have every member of the group have relationship problems at once.
The Comandeers, now relegated to watch duty, sees something streaking across the sky and call the Guardians in to investigate. Vance recognizes the Silver Surfer, and we get a brief history of the Surfer, including the future of the current Marvel continuity, a brief snippet of a story that has yet to be told. Now, the Surfer has returned to Earth, and because of the way he left it the last time he was here, the Guardians consider him an enemy, which is why they attack him when he shows up. He stops everything with his cosmic power in order to set the record straight, which he does, in a large bit of exposition, explaining not only what the Surfer has been doing the last 1000 years, but also what Galactus was up to, setting up the big 25th issue. Basically, the Surfer, Firelord and a different Thor fought Galactus and killed Nova, his herald at the time. Galactus chose not to take another herald because two of his former ones killed his current one. Apparently without a herald, Galactus doesn’t eat, which makes for a cranky Galactus. Galactus is so cranky that he is breaking the vow that he made to Reed Richards waaaaay back in the 50th issue of Fantastic Four (which is even longer ago to the people in the future) and he’s coming back to Earth…at least that’s what he wants you to think. Instead he’s really going to the planets in the Alpha Centauri system (Yondu’s galaxy) to feast on the planets there. Eon shows up and explains this part and the Guardians, along with the Surfer pledge to stop him, setting up an epic, anniversary issue showdown.
Next Issue: The epic, anniversary issue showdown.