Brimley

I bet you didn't see that coming.

Oh...you did?

Well aren't you clever.

Not So New Comic Review: Universe X #8

                This issue starts with a brief history of the cosmic cube, and the realization that the cosmic cube might just be a Skrull (they have the power to basically be whatever they want to be, the next step on the evolutionary ladder).  It seems odd, but kind of right that the most cosmic of macguffins in the Marvel universe is just some random Skrull that decided one day that he was going to turn into a magical cube.

                This leads us to New York, where X-51 has come down to Earth to retrieve Nighthawk.  He takes Nighthawk down to the street where last issue ended and we see Gargoyle asking Mephisto (Mr. Church) to take back the ability to feel.  It’s a little late for Gargoyle to go all emo, but he hopes to make it to his friend by sacrificing his newfound ability to not be made of stone.  Nighthawk still wants to save him from Mephisto though, even after his treachery.

                We get a quick aside with Daredevil (who is not actually Matt Murdock, that Daredevil is dead) being approached by someone that was changed into a regular looking human by the Terrigen Mists.  He wants to be changed back into…whatever he was before and he asks Daredevil to point him to Reed Richards because, Reed is the only one that can change him back.

                With Iceman in New York, he has provided a little reinforcement to the torch as he has placed a giant, thick wall of ice between the torch and the seething masses.  Of course, that won’t hold forever as the mutants will stop at nothing to ensure that they stay mutated.  While that madness happens below, Luke Cage and Marshall Muldoon decry the fact that the Silver Surfer told them that he would help them keep the torch lit, but has yet to show up, even though most of the other torches around the world are doused.  Daredevil then shows back up amongst the churchgoers and basically begs to be killed, which they happily oblige him. 

                In Wakanda, Marv asks the Black Panther for the cosmic cube.  The Panther refuses him, but agrees to put up Marv and his Merry Mutants for the night in order to hear their argument.  We then get a mini X-Men reunion as Beast, Storm and Cyclops are all in Wakanda.  Of course, it wouldn’t be an X-Men reunion if Scott wasn’t mopey about Jean’s death.  Ten points for consistency!

                I Latveria, Reed is just now realizing that the Absorbing Man’s head is gone, so Reed, Sue and the Thing’s two kids head to a vault to find Doom’s time machine so they can go back and prevent the Tong of Creel from stealing the head.  When they get there, though, they see that the time machine is gone, stolen by the same people that took the head?  We don’t know yet.  The mutants on the outside of the vault break in so they can kill Reed and make sure that he never changes them back (they are lots of fun).  Just as they are about to make their move though, the mutants that want to be changed back to normal attack, driving back the “evil” mutants. 

Next Issue:  Have the good guys won?  Can they ever truly win?  Will Reed change the mutant population back?  And what is up with the cosmic cube?

Not So New Comic Review: Universe X #7

                We begin this issue with a brief history of all things cosmic, including Galactus, the Watchers, the Celestials and even the Silver Surfer.  We then begin the real issue where we ended the last issue, with X-51 speaking to the Supreme Intelligence.  The Supreme Intelligence issues a warning to X-51, saying that Marv is one piece of the Cosmic Consciousness away from being all-powerful.  This is apparently a pretty bad thing, according to the Supreme Intelligence.  The last piece that he is missing, happens to be Nighthawk’s eyes, the eyes that can see the future that were given to him by Mephisto. 

                With that segue; we travel to New York, where Nighthawk and Gargoyle are having a heart to heart, as Nighthawk has accused Gargoyle of selling out everyone to get his “humanity” back.  Gargoyle denies this and leaves, heading out into the cold, among the throng Immortus’ followers. 

                On the moon, Marv’s band of merry mutants show up to retrieve the Ultimate Nullifier, which Uatu was keeping in his vault o’ super weapons.  We then find out that the Celestial embryo in Earth (that was destroyed by Galactus at the end of Earth X) is not the only Celestial embryo in Earth.  Each reality (and there are a bunch of them) has its own Earth and therefore has its own embryo just waiting to burst out all Xenomorph style and destroy the Earth.  The rest of the heroes, on their way to ask the Watcher where he keeps his Ultimate Nullifier see him travel through a portal that basically takes them through history, not as active participants per se, but more as observers, unable to interact, kind of like Scrooge in “A Christmas Carol”.  They eventually corner Uatu and he relents, at first threatening to use the Ultimate Nullifier on them, and then when Marv explains that that would be interfering, he just hands it over. 

                In New York, Iceman shows up to help, while Spiderman goes into the holding cell where they are keeping Spiders-Man (apparently the truce they struck at the end of the Spidey Special Issue was a tenuous one).   Spiderman first wraps webbing around his eyes so as not to fall prey to Spiders-Man’s illusions, though, and then he asks Spiders-Man to join them yet again.  In Japan, Xen fails at their job of protecting the hands of the Absorbing Man from the Tong of Creel, and now only his head remains until he is made whole.  It just so happens that his head is under the care of the one-armed Reed Richards in Latveria.  We journey to Latveria at that point (Krueger does a phenomenal job throughout the entire series of threading things together so that we go seamlessly from one location to another as the action demands, and while this may seem like something mundane and not really worthy of praise, I’m giving it to him because there are so many damn locations in this series that he could easily confuse the readers).

                                In the realm of the dead, the heroes fight on against the minions of Thanos and Death.  Marv explains yet again that Thanos is not special, that everyone eventually gets a kiss from Death (she’s apparently pretty slutty, raise your standards Thanos!).  Marv explains that he will eventually be strong enough to kill Death, his whole reason for the fetch quest in the land of the living it appears.  Back in the land of the living, Mr. Church is confronted by Gargoyle, who refuses to help him anymore, to fuel his religion and the hatred and violence it creates.  We then get the big reveal that Mr. Church is in fact Mephisto, the devil, lord of lies, etc.

Next Issue: So, the devil has been pulling the strings, got it.  Now what?

Prescription Overfill

When your teeth hurt, something is definitely messed up, that's what I've learned.

As Needed

God Bless America indeed.

Bullet Dodged

It's always a good day when it's not rectal cancer.

Not So New Comic Review: Universe X #6

                We begin this issue with the history of Moon Knight, and quickly transition to New York, where Gargoyle can now feel things, as in human senses, it’s apparent that he already had human emotions if he desired to feel things.  Nighthawk then accuses him of something sinister, as apparently, Mr. Church is using the information he is gathering from the pages supplied to him by Gargoyle to lead the Tong of Creel to all of the pieces of the Absorbing Man.  The odd thing is, Gargoyle is speaking to someone that can see the future, and yet Nighthawk still told him everything that he needed to know.  Maybe Nighthawk couldn’t see that far into the future, to the actual consequences of the actions until they were upon him, but still, you would think someone that had a secret like Gargoyle apparently does wouldn’t try to hide it from someone that can see the future. 

                In Latveria, the Tong of Creel is closing in on the piece of the Absorbing Man that Reed Richards is keeping safe, while in Canada, Sasquatch and Guardian, or, the head of Guardian, to be more specific, realize that they are being overrun by Wolverine-looking mutants. 

                In Egypt, Marv and his band of merry heroes arrive to find Moon Knight fighting against the Sons of Set yet again. The heroes aid Moon Knight and then go to retrieve the statue they came for.  Once they retrieve that, not only do the perpetually regenerating Sons of Set fade into dust, but so does Moon Knight, finally able to die and rest in peace. 

                In Latveria, everyone is fighting the mutants that are trying to douse the “human torch” while Mr. Church enters Doom’s castle to find the piece of the Absorbing Man.  In Japan, Marv has come for the Mandarin’s rings, the next item on his quest, and leaves with the rings and the hands they came on.

                In the realm of the dead, the battle continues between Marv’s dead heroes and Thanos’ dead army.  Moon Knight shows up, which adds another body to the fight, but doesn’t do much else at this point.  On the Moon, X-51 is carting around the Supreme Intelligence who warns him that Marv must be stopped for the sake of all of the multiple realities. 

                In New York, Immortus, now locked out of Limbo, begins to mutate, which sends him into a mental tailspin.  At that moment Mr. Church walks in, asking Immortus to address his flock.  In his current state, Immortus can’t do that, he’s going crazy as it is, so he puts that on Mr. Church, who gladly accepts.

Next Issue: Who the hell is Mr. Church!?

Prescription Plan

This will end well.  These things always end well.

Checkup

Sometimes, my brother Nik will give me a plot and turn me loose.  

Usually those plots involve The Wormy Guy...which is interesting in and of itself.

The next two weeks are the fruit of one of those labors.  

Enjoy!

Yoga Pants

Sluggy is just saying what you're all thinking.

Not So New Comic Review: Universe X #5

                Back in the normal series, we begin issue five with the origin of Prince Wayfinder and his sword, a sword that created the entire world of Subatomica, a world within our world.  The magical sword lay dormant after the death of Wayfinder, but came back to “life” to find Wayfinder’s descendant, Arcturus Rann.  Rann held the Enigma Force, which he added to as he was in a state of suspended animation.  While this was happening, a portal was created to Subatomica known as the Prometheus Pit.  A villain appropriately named Psycho-Man tried to invade Earth from Subatomica but was soundly defeated by all the superheroes, so he turned his attention to Subatomica instead.  Psycho-Man used his suggestion device to cause Rann’s own wife to kill him.  The Enigma Force essentially died with Rann, ending up in the realm of the dead, where it transferred to Captain Marvel (the adult version in the land of the dead). 

                Well, that was a mouthful.  We open the action on the funeral for Cap.  If you read the special issue directly preceding this one, you would know that Cap died protecting Marv.  If you didn’t bother to read it because, well, it’s not part of the series proper, then you missed out on one of the central characters in the series meeting their untimely demise.  This is quite the odd thing to do, in my opinion, but, speaking as someone that picked up everything to do with the series, I’m not sure why anyone would skip out on the special issues.  Many of the heroes assembled pledge to help Marv complete his quest, while Wyatt Wingfoot is none too happy with Marv for leading Cap to his death.  Thor chases Loki away when he tells her that she can be whatever she wants, that her destiny as a God of Thunder is not set in stone.  Marv then makes the proclamation that all of the heroes are going to Hell.  Like, literally going to Hell, not in some vague, you cut me off in traffic kind of way. 

                In Britain, the Tong of Creel attacks Captain Britain’s home to steal another piece of the Absorbing Man, and of course they succeed.  All of these heroes in the world and they still can’t keep pieces of a dead man secure. 

                We are back with Marv and his merry band of heroes as they head to the Prometheus Pit.  It appears that, in order to prevent anything from crossing into the real world, Man-Thing sacrificed himself to plug the hole.  We get a brief history from the Micronauts Proton and Neutron along with the glowing visage of Rann’s wife.  Basically, Psycho-Man won in his attempt to enslave Subatomica.   The only way he was beat was through the help of Man-Thing who, when he clogged the Prometheus Pit, he lodged Psycho-Man’s suggestion device within himself and released his fear burning tendrils into Subatomica.  Rann’s wife seems to be speaking to everyone from the land of the dead, and of course, that causes Scott to ask about Phoenix.  He is told that she is with him, that the dreams he has of her is actually her reaching out to him.  Marv then retrieves the suggestion device from Man-Thing and they go about their merry way. 

                We end with X-51 talking to Uatu on the moon about Galactus, and about how Wayfinder’s sword was not a sentient being as he once thought it was, it was the star that Wayfinder shoved his sword into that was sentient, and the only sentient star out there is Galactus.  We then see X-51 walk over the containment unit of the Kree’s Supreme Intelligence (the hive-mind like creature that acts as the Kree’s governing body). 

Next Issue: What does the Supreme Intelligence have to do with all this?  Better yet, what does Galactus have to do with all of this?  Can the heroes actually hold on to a piece of the Absorbing Man, or are they the worst heroes ever?

Loogie

I'm not going to lie, I also have an issue with chihuahuas of phlegm.

And that's way more than you wanted to know about me.

Who're You Gonna Call?

Puns...seriously...

Fitness

Don't ask me how or where she wears the fitbit.  

Not So New Comic Review: Universe X – Cap

                What Cap-centric comic would be complete without a brief overview of Cap’s history.  This issue is no different.  We start with Cap’s origin, which I’m sure everyone knows by now.  After that prelude, we catch up with Modern day Cap and Marv, who are still on their fetch quest.  Why this is taking place in a “special issue” is one of the great mysteries of this series.  You would think that the special issues wouldn’t really hold anything too pertinent in case someone wanted to, or had to skip them for monetary reasons (though the special issues are only fifty cents more expensive than the regular issues, so I can’t imagine cost would be that much of a concern). 

                Anyway, Cap and Marv are in Washington DC, a special place for Cap, naturally, that is now reduced to ruins.  They are currently looking for Mason Harding’s Dimensional Doorway.  They find him and he explains that his dimensional door is on Mount Rushmore.  They use the cloak to travel there, but as they do it, it gives Cap some creepy nightmares.  They arrive at Mount Rushmore and are met with a deserted old timey town that had monster stuck on poles, Vlad the Impaler style in a field next to it.  The monsters are the inhabitants of the dimension that the Dimensional Doorway leads to. 

                As they admire the local handiwork, the natives show up to attack Cap and Marv.  They are obviously a little leery of visitors, and considering the fact that by their clothing they are stuck in the 1700s.  Cap and Falcon apparently stopped by to help these individuals control their monster problem at one point, then they got busy saving the rest of the world and couldn’t be everywhere at once.  Well, these people apparently hold quite the  grudge, as Cap is greeted with pointed flaming sticks.  Luckily, Marv has his cloak at the ready and they disappear as the disgruntled citizens strike. 

                Another trip through the cloak means another creepy nightmare for Cap.  This one shows that the Super Soldier program, the very one that birthed Cap himself, was nothing but a vehicle for the Third Reich to dominate.  I guess it wasn’t a coincidence that they chose Cap, with his blonde hair and blue eyes, as the original test subject.  This sends Dream Cap into a rage and he pummels the Red Skull, which is apparently okay with him as the Skull believes that if he is going to die, dying at the hands of his country’s greatest representation of the Aryan race is noble.  Then we get a nice shot of a bunch of Germans saluting Cap…and he comes out of the cloak.  They are outside on a roof, not too far from where the teleported from, and quickly find the Dimensional Doorway, which is in a basement.  Cap helps the citizens, even though they tried to kill him, against the monsters emerging from the Doorway.  Marv collects the Doorway, and makes sure to mention to Cap that Death is in the room.  The citizens prevent Marv from teleporting away and knock Cap out, causing him to have another fever-dream.  This one causes him to see the past, a past where he failed the Avengers by not being thee when they needed him most.  We get a brief history of Cap in the Earth X series, and then Cap wakes up in shackles.  These shackles are special though, as in the interior of the shackles, pressed against his wrists, are metal spikes designed to slice his wrist and kill him if he removes them. 

                To prevent Marv from being killed though, Cap slices his wrists and removes the shackles, saving Marv and hiding out in an abandoned schoolhouse.  Cap comes up with the idea to make a run for it, to get out of the town before the citizens can kill them, because they are on their way, and that’s definitely what the citizens plan on doing.  Cap does just that, bursting through the line of people as they shoot at him with Revolutionary War replica weapons.  He keeps pushing on, until the amount of bullets in him prevents him from going any further.  Cap dies as Death herself looks in on him, and we realize that Death was not there for Marv at all.

                Later, a small group of heroes assemble to save Marv and bury collect Cap.  Then Cap, like many of the other heroes before him, goes to the land of the dead, and his fight continues.

                Just as a quick aside before we wrap up, while Krueger remains strong as the writer on this issue, the artwork by Thomas Yeates is rough.  There is very little weight to the art itself and what really gets me is the layout choices.  On practically every page there are overlapping panels and just a general lack of flow.  Overlapping panels are okay every once in a while for a change of pace, but to do it through much of the book, and not have strong, striking visuals to counteract it seems like an experiment for the experiment’s sake.

Next Issue: Back to the regular series and Marv’s fetch quest continues.  Who will help him now that Cap is gone?  Who wants to help him since he seems a lot like Batman with his sidekicks?

Just a Little

This is just an assumption, no midget has ever personally told me they don't prefer the term "little fucker".

Meet the Cast!

Eat @ Shrimpy's has an extensive cast, so it's probably a good idea to get to know them a little better.  In the grand tradition of the comic trading cards from my youth, here's the cast: