Masochist Music Review: Van Halen III

                What can I say, I’m a masochist when it comes to music.  I like to have complete catalogues when it comes to my favorite musicians.  Sometimes this is a good thing (Alice Cooper, AC/DC) but oftentimes it’s not.  Not only that, but I used to fall into the trap of hearing one or two great songs and purchasing a whole album because of it, which sometimes produced a diamond, but usually only coal.  During this series, we will dwell on some of the albums I have in my collection that are downright terrible.  I will re-listen to them all and give you my impression of them.

Now this is only my opinion, so don’t take it as gospel.  If you like a particular album in this series, let me know, we’ll open up a discussion about it.  I’m always open to discussing the merits of any particular album, and if you have any suggestions (and especially if you have the album itself and are willing to share your views) then let me know and I’d be happy to add it to the list.

Album Name: III (aka the one with Gary Cherone)

Artist:  Van Halen

Release Date: 1998

Why you bought it:  I’m a completist, and at the time I thought “How bad could it be, it’s still Van Halen, right?”  Don’t get me wrong, I heard about how bad this album was from anyone and everyone that was a Van Halen fan, but I wanted to make my own decision.

First impressions:  I didn’t want to say that I liked it, because I didn’t.  It didn’t sound like Van Halen (or Cherone’s band Extreme) but as an album in its own right, it wasn’t terrible.  The fact that I didn’t pay full price for it (I must have got it for a couple bucks on Amazon or at a used CD store) helped me to ingest it without feeling cheated.  Cherone just sounds like he’s straining through the whole album in terms of his vocals, and the music itself is far less “Van Haleny” than anything I’ve heard before or since.

Impressions upon listening to it recently:  It’s not the pile of dog shit that I thought it was back in the day, but it’s not terrible.  It’s quite jarring if you’re listening to a Van Halen mix of all the albums and one of these tracks come on.

Best Track:  "From Afar" is okay.  "Fire in the Hole" has a decent groove to it, and sounds probably the most like a Van Halen song.  "Josephina" sounds kind of like an Extreme song, but it just kind of meanders between meh and okay.

Worst Track:  "Year to the Day" doesn’t really showcase Cherone’s vocals in a flattering way (and is downright bad when you get to the chorus).  "Primary" is the poor man’s Eruption.  "The Ballet or the Bullet" is kind of all over the place in terms of content.  The vocals are bad, the music is worse.  "How Many Say I" is terrible.  It’s trying to be deep with the piano intro but just comes across as cheesy, and the vocals are bad yet again.

Any saving grace?:  Maybe that there was only one album with Cherone?  Beyond that, if you can listen to it as its own separate entity you may be able to find a saving grace, otherwise it’s a huge disappointment.

Was it worth the purchase?:  Only because I got it cheap and because I am kind of OCD about being a completist when it comes to bands I like.  Otherwise, nope.