How
could this comic get any weirder? By
throwing in a guest spot from the Beyonder of course! That Marvel villain who was responsible for
the Secret Wars in the 80’s now has his eyes set on the Guardians of the
Galaxy, for reasons unknown. Let’s see
if we can figure it out.
Well,
this wouldn’t be a Guardians of the Galaxy comic without some manufactured
drama, right? This issue’s manufactured
drama comes from the galaxy’s worst couple, Aleta and Vance Astro. Now, I’m not saying Vance doesn’t have a case
to be upset here, his supposed girlfriend disappears and reappears with no interest
in him at all. That’s pretty shitty, but
he’s going about it like a whiny baby.
True, we don’t know how long they were actually together, comic book
time being a funny, malleable thing and all, and Aleta (whether under her own
power or that of the Hawk God) is acting like a bitch about the whole thing
with no real explanation. Maybe that’s
the big problem here, not that their relationship is disintegrating, or that
this storyline is following suit, but that there is no explanation provided to
anyone. Now I kind of feel Vance’s pain.
After a
quick interlude where Nikki and Yellowjacket are trying on new outfits, which
is basically an excuse for a little T&A, we get back to mopey Vance. Vance is busy wallowing inhis own self pity
until the Beyonder snaps him out of it.
The Beyonder has trapped the Protégé and Malevolence in a crystal
construct and is just holding them there, observing them, like a couple of
goldfish. Vance doesn’t like this
development because, well, it’s wrong I guess and we are still establishing
Vance’s moral high ground above anything else.
The Beyonder then gives Vance a new costume (this is apparently the new
costume issue) which just consists of his old costume plus a long sleeve black
undershirt. The Beyonder never explains
this, he just leaves.
Next,
we get back to the bridge, where Vance has been summoned so he can see
Yellowjacket’s new costume, which is pretty silly in its own right.
After a
quick stop on the moon, where the green and gold clad individual is still waiting
to be revealed, we head to Earth. The
Guardians have teleported down into the stronghold of the Comandeers, only to
realize that the Comandeers are no more as Retox wiped them out. We even get to see the final few moments
before Train (the leader of the Comandeers) is captured as she is recording a
video diary at the time. The Guardians
head out to the old Realiteevee plant (aren’t we done with this storyline yet?)
and wind up coming across Batwing and Blockade in the process, beating up both
of them on their way.
The
Guardians get to the Realiteevee plant at the very end of last issue’s events
between Rancor and Doom. We then get to
see that Doom is not necessarily Doom anymore as he now has Wolverine’s claws
(minus the one that was somehow broken and is currently in Rancor’s
possession). Doom reveals that only the
brain of Dr. Doom remains while it is currently being housed in the Adamantium
laced skeleton of Wolverine. I have two
major issues with this revelation. One: many
many issues ago, somewhere in the teens around the first introduction of the
mutants I believe, there was a plotline that was starting to lead us in a
direction basically saying that Wolverine is still alive and taking on more of
a low-key, subservient role. That was apparently
completely tossed out when Valentino left and no mention was made of it
again. To be honest, if I wasn’t reading
these issues back to back I may not have even caught it myself, but I did. Two: the “skeleton” that Doom inhabits is
more along the lines of a robot with ribs.
Are we supposed to believe that this is what Wolverine’s skeleton looks
like underneath his current skin and musculature? Why does he have normal hands and what looks
like boots instead of feet? If it is
indeed a robot with adamantium bone accoutrements, is Doom really as invincible
as he thinks? Can’t Rancor just destroy
the robot portion of Doom? Plus, Doom
and Wolverine are two vastly different heights.
Doom is a regal height, tall and noble in stature while Wolverine is a
“runt”. Wolverine’s bones wouldn’t “fit”
Dr. Doom’s proportions. Oh well, that’s
comics for you!
Next issue: Wolver-Doom uses his adamantium-laced robot skeleton to
fight Rancor on live television, complete with a double-sized issue and fancy
cover.
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