Thursday, February 26, 2015

Not so New Comic Review: Earth X #2

                When last we saw our heroes, Cap had just retrieved a piece of fabric with a Red Skull on it (re-cue ominous music).  Before we pick that storyline back up, we need to have our customary flashback/superhero origin retelling.  This issue showcases the Fantastic Four.  After a quick retelling of the origin of Marvel’s First Family, we get back to the action.  Of course the “action” in this instance is a brownstone in New York City, which happens to be the home to Ben Grimm and his wife Alicia Masters (you know her, the same blind girl that was in love with the Thing forever).  Honestly, with all of the bleakness that makes up this series, it’s nice to see somewhat of a happy ending for someone.

                It’s here that the Inhumans find themselves.  And if you thought the Inhuman royal family knocking on Ben Grimm’s door like they were coming over for dinner sounds weird..you’re right.  You know what else is weird?  The fact that Thing and Alicia have two kids, named Buzz and Chuck, that look just like Ben.  I don’t know if I really understand that just yet, but okay, I’m willing to suspend disbelief for the moment, this is a comic book after all. 

                The main reason that the inhumans have come back to Earth, and specifically, New York City is because it is time for the royal wedding. Luna, daughter of Inhuman Crystal and Mutant Douchebag Quicksilver is to marry Medusa and Black Bolt’s son.  A little more info comes out that apparently, something happened that gave everyone powers.  The power that Alicia got was apparently to give life to the clay sculptures she created. 

                While we’re on the topic of origin stories and history, Ben goes into the story of the dissolution of the Fantastic Four.  Apparently a fight with Doctor Doom and Namor turned deadly as The Human Torch attacked Namor, who was once again pissed about how humanity treated the oceans (seriously, that guy was a prius away from being a hipster douchebag), and Namor retaliated by murdering the shit out of him right in front of Franklin Richards (who was a kid!)  Franklin was not just a kid, but a kid with reality-warping powers.  He used these powers to set half of Namor on fire, which forced Namor back into the ocean.  Even though it was a different Human Torch, it was interesting that what looks to be the beginning of the end for the current Marvel Universe revolved around a fight between Namor and the Human Torch, just like the beginning of the Marvel Universe revolved around a similar throwdown decades ago.  Sue Storm then does her best Bucky impression, jumping on Doom’s helicopter as it pulls away, only to blow up with it.

                Well, that’s three of the four, you say, what happened to Mr. Fantastic himself?  Well, he became super emo and moved to Latveria, donning Dr. Doom’s armor and moping around his castle.  He then gets a video call from Tony Stark, who looks a lot like Reed, but with a bald patch on his head.  All old smart guys look like Santa Claus I guess? 

                We quickly look in on Cap and Redwing as they are searching through the SHIELD Helicarrier.  Leon does a great job of using the light from the screens in the downed Helicarrier (it landed on its side) light up Cap and Redwing from below (the art is really well done in this, that’ll become a theme).  Cap reveals that he has the keys to Nick Fury’s car and then they fly off in a vehicle that looks like something out of a Lego playset.  They are heading to the west coast to track down the Red Skull, who at this point is just an insignia.

                Now, either back in New York or in Los Angeles, I’m not sure which, we meet Daredevil.  He is not the Daredevil we know and love though.  He apparently cannot die so he uses that power to bring entertainment to the unwashed masses.  This happens in a carnival like atmosphere which is quickly broken up by members of the Skull’s gang.  One of them is named Iron Maiden, but is unfortunately not Bruce Dickinson, while the others are, old Sandman, what looks like Sunspot, maybe, some guy that I cannot pinpoint and fat Domino.

                We leave with some exposition about Reed Richards; Mole Man (who is now normal because the mutation of Earth’s population fucked everyone up, oh the irony) and the Skrulls, who are mostly dead.


Next Issue: More Emo Richards?  Do Thelma and Louise, I mean Cap and Redwing make it across the country?  Are there more characters named after 80’s metal bands?  Anthrax? Motorhead? Stryper?

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