Not So New Comic Review: Galactic Guardians (1994) #4

            It’s time to wrap up the Galactic Guardians miniseries, the first (and only) spin-off for the Marvel 3000 line.

            This issue starts with a proclamation from Mainframe that the main villain that was revealed to us at the end of last issue, Ubiquitor, has appeared on every world simultaneously.  This obviously raises the stakes for the Guardians in that if they fail to defeat her and her footsoldiers, the rest of the galaxy will fall.  Hollywood gets the action started by attacking Silverback. 

            After a quick aside where we learn that Hollywood and Vision regained their consciousness and memories (Vision used a separate body to go wake Hollywood up and replace his memories, which were absorbed and transferred into his mind from the memories scattered on the ground) we see Mainframe attack Savant and overload his mind, knocking him out of the fight.

            Hold the phone…it’s origin time!  This time we learn that Ubiquitor is a member of a race known as the absolutes, one of the last of her kind, that thrives on the creation and destruction of universes (which is where her team of baddies comes from, former universes that she destroyed).  While it’s an interesting origin, part Galactus, part Phoenix, it’s still pretty boilerplate stuff and shows why Ubiquitor hasn’t made some kind of comeback.

            Speaking of Phoenix, Ubiquitor sees the potential power in him and whisks him away to a separate plane of reality.  While they are gone, a little teamwork by Replica and Martinex takes care of Hazmat, while Ghost Rider disposes of Ganglia by sending it to Hell.  Out in space, Hollywood and Silverback are still going at it when Mainframe teleports them both to the edge of a black hole.  Even though Hollywood isn’t being sucked into the black hole, Silverback sure is.  Hollywood tries to hold on to him and not let him die, which is very Avenger-y, but he cannot and Silverback is gone.  Hollywood then flies back to the ship, pissy that he couldn’t save the bad guy.

            We finally check in on Ubiquitor and Phoenix as she makes a pitch to him to join forces with her.  He rebuffs her advances though, as we all assumed he would, and really that is the best idea, look what happened to all of her other minions.  They fight back and forth, neither combatant gaining an upper hand, that is until Woden shows up and offers his hammer’s power to be combined with that of Phoenix.  Together they dispatch of Ubiiquitor pretty handily.  In the grand Guardians of the Galaxy tradition, Woden is offered membership in the Galactic Guardians to which he declines.  As he flies back to Asgard, Phoenix returns to the ship.  As we close the series we see that the only individual happy that everyone is still alive and working as a team is Martinex.  No one else is remotely satisfied with this outcome, just like no one else should be satisfied with this limited series.  The artwork was generally better than that of its parent title (having Kevin West pencil the whole thing instead of providing breakdowns alone helped immensely) but the story was still pretty silly and unimaginative.

 

            Next Issue: Back to the Guardians of the Galaxy!  Before we get to the regular series though we have one more stop to make in the fourth and final annual, and this one’s a doozy.

Not So New Comic Review: Galactic Guardians (1994) #3

            We open this issue with Ghost Rider, one of the two remaining Galactic Guardians that is not injured and out of commission, fighting against Hazmat.  Hazmat tries to pull the same trick on Ghost Rider that he did on Firelord, shooting him with the acidic material that burned Firelord (and you know that’s powerful if it can burn a guy that is literally made of fire).  This doesn’t hurt Ghost Rider at all, and instead leaves him open to be taken out by Ghost Rider’s space-motorcycle.  As Ghost Rider speeds off back to the Guardians’ ship a mysterious figure comes to retrieve Hazmat.  The original Guardians of the Galaxy series has made its living on shadowy figures in the background.  I’m curious to see how this villain stacks up to the likes of Doctor Doom and Loki.

            At the end of last issue, Replica fell prey to Ganglia, the Mother-Brain looking villain that gestated inside her long enough to become relevant.  With Replica down, Ganglia now turns its attention to Martinex, the last remaining Guardian on the ship that can do anything.  Surprising everyone that has ever read a Guardians comic in the past, Martinex actually proves useful and freezes Ganglia before taking off and getting Replica to the med-bay.  On the way there, he is ambushed by Ganglia’s tentacles, proving that maybe he isn’t nearly as adept as we thought. 

            Now it’s time to check in on Hollywood and Vision as they duke it out.  You’ll remember that last issue, Savant wiped their minds and then pitted them against one another in combat, for his amusement I assume.  A break in the fighting (because they are both knocked out) provides the perfect opportunity for the mysterious figure to come collect Savant, ordering him to scatter the memories of the two combatants among the rocks. 

            Hey, while we’re here, let’s check in on Woden, who is fighting Silverback on Earth.  Last issue they came face to face with a giant crab/octopus creature in a lake.  Woden electrocutes the creature in order to escape its clutches and drags Silverback out of the water.  Woden then flies off as that mysterious figure comes to collect his fallen champion.

            Back on the ship, Martinex is about to be infiltrated by Ganglia when Ghost Rider shows up and sets it ablaze.  As Ganglia tries to retreat, Firelord wakes up, renewed from his nap and sets Ganglia on fire even more, supposedly killing it.  Martinex then suggests that Ghost Rider transform into his native form of a priest in the Universal Church of Truth.  Martinex thinks this will help keep Replica calm when she wakes up…boy was he wrong.  She goes nuts and attacks him.  Knocking him out of a window so that he can plummet to his death, and he would have too if Hollywood hadn’t showed up right then to catch him.  He then turns back into Ghost Rider and goes back to confront Replica.  Hollywood stops the confrontation and it is revealed that Mainframe is back online as well.  This means that Phoenix can finally come out and play.  Everyone thinks that they are done with this mission and that the last issue of their miniseries will be about that time they went out for tacos without Martinex and he called them all jerks because he likes tacos too.  They are dead wrong though as all of the villains have returned as one team led by the mysterious figure known as Ubiquitor.  Not as cool as Doom or Loki, but we’ll see.

Next Issue: this series comes to its painful conclusion as everyone fights yet again. I think they should go out for tacos afterwards, but that’s just me.

Not So New Comic Review: Galactic Guardians (1994) #2

            We open this issue where we left off, with Woden fighting Silverback.  They continue to pummel one another until Woden decides to send them to Earth, because apparently the Martians didn’t do enough damage. 

            We are back  on Mainframe’s homeworld where Replica is just returning to her regular size after investigating Mainframe’s illness.  She is carrying a piece of the goo that she found last issue that seemed to be literally gumming up Mainframe.  All of a sudden she doubles over in pain.  The goo that she picked up has somehow entered her body and is wreaking all kinds of havoc on her.  Martinex quickly takes Replica to the med-lab to diagnose and treat her condition (goo infestation?)

            As Martinex is playing doctor, we travrl out in to space where Firelord has come across an alien named Haxmat.  Again, I would like to point out Kevin West’s character designs.  There are some instances, especially on the regular series where he looks like he’s mailing it in, but when it comes to this series in particular, and especially the new villain character designs, West is on point from the get-go.  Firelord tangles with Hazmat but is taken out of commission early on (some protector of the universe he is) and it’s Ghost Rider to the rescue. 

            Back on Earth, Woden and Silverback crash land on a desolate patch of ground.  Their battle continues and carries them into a nearby lake, where they are greeted by a creepy octopus/crab monster.  The seismic activity associated with their touchdown on Earth registers as far away as New York City, where Tarin is pining away for Hollywood.

            Speaking of Hollywood…he is still arguing with Vision.  All of a sudden their argument ceases as a spaceship crash lands near them.  They both go to check it out and are ambushed by Savant, who wipes their minds, leaving them as piles on the ground.  Savant then decides to have a little fun and give them back just enough of their memories so that they remember that they hate each other.  This causes them to duke it out in deep space. 

            Back on the Guardians’ ship Firelord is in the Med-Bay as well, and while he heals Martinex checks on Replica, who feels better, but that’s only because whatever is inside her is lying dormant.  When she uses her shapeshifting powers it comes to the forefront, bursting forth from her mouth and knocking her out.  This is the final villain revealed this issue as Ganglia makes its presence known. 

            So, for a head count…we have Martinex and Ghost Rider, that’s it.  Everyone else is incapacitated in some form or another.

            Next Issue: Is this the end of the Galactic Guardians? Will they not even be able to finish out their limited series?  Oh the humanity!   

Not So New Comic Review: Galactic Guardians (1994) #1

            A new title!  A new team!  The same creative team behind it though, so let’s see if it’s just more of the same.  For those of you uninitiated with the Galactic Guardians, it is an offshoot of the Guardians of the Galaxy, made up of characters that the Guardians have encountered in their first fifty issues, led by former Guardian Martinex.  Okay, everyone on board?  Let’s proceed. 

            We begin by finding out that Mainframe, the computer consciousness of former Avenger Vision is ill and must take himself off-line.  This is obviously not a good thing as Mainframe actually powers a world of thousands if not hundreds of thousands of people.  If he just quit it would mean chaos and certain death.  There is a back up plan though, and it means taking the most powerful member of the Galactic Guardians out of commission.  Phoenix must use his power to keep the world going while Mainframe is shut down.  Way to stack the odds against the team from the get-go. 

            Martinex dispatches the rest of the Galactic Guardians, at this point only Firelord and Ghost Rider, to deal with an external threat while sending Replica into Mainframe in order to determine what the problem is that requires a shut down.  Replica gladly obliges and we leave her to exploring as our attention turns to Hollywood who is pissed that he had to fight Overkill over in the Guardians of the Galaxy book so he takes it out on the poor alien that gave him the information.  Just as he’s about to get information out of the little alien guy he is blipped out of existence. 

            Back to Replica, who is still in the midst of searching through Mainframe when she comes across a pile of goo.  Martinex tells her to take a sample and she resists so he goes all Vance Astro and tells her to do her job.  Now, I understand being firm when dealing with a team member that is not performing, but why is every “leader” character that Gallagher writes the exact same cookie cutter?  It’s like all he did was watch the old Fox X-Men cartoon and copy Cyclops’ dialogue. 

            Back to Hollywood, who is now on an isolated planet with Vision, in his old Avengers getup.  We get to learn why Hollywood is so pissed at Vision, and it all stems around the fact that during the War of the Worlds, all the heroes died and instead of Hollywood being there to help, he was teleported away by Vision at the last moment.  He blames Vision for not letting him die with the heroes. 

            We now switch our focus to the rainbow bridge of Asgard as Heimdall comes to face with Silverback, a strange alien creature who wants entry.  Heimdall denies him this so he does what any self-respecting monster would do and attacks him.  This can’t stand though and Woden, Thor’s kid, shows up to beat him back.  And that’s how it ends…for now.

            We do get the second part of Future History though that tells us what happened to the mutants and how they left the planet early and came to settle on Haven.  In short, it’s a concise version of the history we saw thirty some issues ago.

            Next Issue:  More fun with Woden, and Martinex acts like a douche.