Green Beer

I've never understood the obsession with colored beer.  Of course, I can neither drink beer, 

nor do I drink socially very often, two requisites for a St. Paddy's Day adventure.

New Storyline Starts Wednesday and tune in tomorrow for the update of the Villain Bracket!

Neither Rain Nor Sleet

Please excuse the grey haze, computer troubles this morning.

Not So New Comic Review: Guardians of the Galaxy (1991) Annual #2

                After the insanity of issue twenty five, what with Galactus and the giant sized Silver Surfer, it looks like it’s time to scale things back a bit.  What’s that?  It’s time for another annual?  Jeez.  So much for scaling things back.  Here we go with another sixty-four page romp in the thirty-first century.

                Luckily for Jim Valentino, he had some help on this annual.  Instead of doing it all himself, he enlisted the services of a multitude of artists for the various stories, while still writing them all (he even added a short story and a couple pinups).  The first, and main, story revolves around the Galactic Guardians and utilizes Herb Trimpe on pencils.  Now go to Google and type in “Herb Trimpe”.  What comes up is not at all indicative of the artwork on display during the 90s from him.  Herb has been around for decades, and it looked like he decided to adapt his style during the Liefeld-boom of the early 90s.  That would be fine if he didn’t just look like a terrible carbon copy of Liefeld, taking all of the stylistic flourishes that Liefeld brought to his work (poor anatomy, etc) and embellishing it.  It’s even worse because if you look at Trimpe’s old stuff, he can really draw!  To see him debase himself like that is silly.  So right off the bat, the art is forgettable at best.  To go from Valentino’s solid, if unspectacular pencils, and the Mark Texeira issue which is still the highlight of the series in my opinion, to this is a major downgrade.  I could spend 10,000 words pointing out all of the anatomical and storytelling flaws in this issue, but instead I’ll just focus on the art as a whole…it’s bad.

                The story is decent.  It’s the first real mission for the collected Galactic Guardians, and it’s a doozy.  Mainframe has apparently contracted a virus and he and his world is basically collapsing.  To make matters worse, The Intimidators-formerly the Minions of Menace (remember all of those characters that Brahl was breaking out of prison for the last six to eight issues, well that’s what they’re called apparently) are behind the plot as they are using this virus to get revenge on the Guardians of the Galaxy (even though they’re not even in this story).   The Galactic Guardians come together and are immediately thrown into the fire against the Intimidators, who they easily dispatch.  However Brahl remains unharmed (despite the fact that he lost his mustache along the way) and unleashes our old friend Korvac on the Galactic Guardians.  Remember Korvac from the first annual?  The near omnipotent being that gave the Guardians a run for their money even as a baby?  Well apparently he was somehow attached to the computer virus that infected Mainframe, transforming Mainframe into an amalgam of the two beings. 

                Korvac kicks the ass of the Galactic Guardians, until Phoenix (who up to this point has been contained in a stasis chamber because of, you know, the whole, destroyer of worlds thing) shows up and kicks his ass.  It must be real nice to have a god on your team, even if you break him out only when things get too hairy for the regular team.  And that’s it, enter Phoenix Ex Machina, exit bad guy.

                Our next story, by Valentino with an art assist by Kirkowood Studios focuses on Replica and the Protégé (in a story that actually comes before the first story in the annual as Replica is recruited to be part of the Galactic Guardians in the Trimpe-illustrated story).  This shows how, and why, she came to leave the Protégé’s side.  Basically it boils down to Replica doesn’t want to be there anymore as she is having a conflict between her allegiance to the Guardians (who she wasn’t with for that long anyway) and her faith (which is more of a creepy-cult than a church).  Instead of putting herself in the position to have to choose between the two, she steals a space ship and runs away. 

                After a couple Valentino-penciled pinups we take a trip to Yondu and Centauri IV (where he was left after issue 25) with the help of Valentino and penciller Matthew Jorgensen.  Not only do we get to see how the Centauri IV population is living, and how they idolize Yondu, but Yondu also is given his hand back.  No longer does he have a multi-purpose weapon attached to his wrist, which begs the question, if they were able to do that from the get-go, why did they bother with the weapon-hand?  Why not just give Yondu, who is incredibly adept with weapons to begin with, a normal hand and let him carry on as if nothing happened?  This isn’t addressed because we are too busy watching Talon be Talon and witnessing pleasantries between the Guardians to actually deal with continuity issues.  Everyone then says good bye to Yondu and leaves him on his planet, with his people.

                The final story, written and penciled by Valentino, is basically a rundown of the Guardians’ rogues gallery.  If you didn’t realize it from the first twenty-five issues (and two annuals) the Guardians have a pretty lame rogues gallery. 

                And that’s it!  Aside from some terrible artwork in the first story, this annual wasn’t too bad.  Next week we’ll continue with issue twenty-six of the series, where we get to learn the secret origin of the Guardians (aren’t you excited?  I’m excited!)

Knee Pads

I wrote this shortly after watching the Summer Olympics a few years ago, 

it just seemed like something that would fascinate Sluggy.

For Shame

                When I was in fifth grade, I received a poor grade on a math test.  We’re talking really poor, like a fifty or something along those lines, no higher than that for sure; an utter failure.  My parents would not have been happy with a failing grade on a test.  Would they have grounded me?  Maybe, maybe not, but they would have been ashamed of their dunce of a son that could not manage more than a measly fifty on a test.  So I hid it.  I was so full of shame that I hid that test in the top of my locker and I “buckled down” and wound up cruising through the rest of school with high honors.  Was that a scholastic turning point for me?  I don’t know if I would go that far, but I’m sure that if my parents praised everything that I did, good or bad, that I may have let that grade slide, not seen it as a sign that maybe I should pay attention a bit more and concentrate on my schoolwork, and instead continued down that slippery slope until I was asking “would you like fries with that?”

                Many of the decisions I made in my youth, and still make today for the most part, are made with shame in mind in the form of: “Will what I do bring shame to me and/or my family”?  By having that run through your head, it tends to take a bit of the impulsivity out of one’s actions.   I believe that that sense of shame is not a bad thing, instead coming from a general understanding of right and wrong and social etiquette.  Am I going to pick my nose in public?  No, because it is not socially acceptable and carries a bit of shame with it.  Am I going to sit on my ass and collect welfare for the rest of my life?  No.  Same reason. 

                There are many reasons that people can feel the opposite, having little or no shame.  They could have been brought up in a household where their parents had no shame, and therefore instilled none in their children, or they could have been brought up in a household with these new-age yuppie parents that think their children shit gold and can do no wrong.  All this does is lead to spoiled, entitled brats with little to no real skills or work ethic, or any real desire to better themselves because they’ve never had to.  Everything they have done has been good enough, and when you are perfectly willing to settle for “good enough” and that has even been celebrated by the adults in your life, it’s hard to transition to wanting to be better.  Is it a coincidence that you can usually spot the people that are long-term welfare abusers?  The people that have no pride or respect for their home or their appearance, the people that think that cat piss is just the new fragrance from Calvin Klein or the people that talk a lot on social media, trying to drum up an inordinate amount of support for everything they do in order to validate themselves.  This is because if they have lost the requisite amount of shame to not take long-term handouts from anyone, then they have probably lost the requisite amount of shame to realize that when your clothes are holier than the pope it’s time to retire them.  You can probably see a lot of these people around the first of the month at any Wal-Mart across the country. 

                This is in no way condemning everyone that is on public assistance as there are many different reasons that people are in that situation.  It is, however, condemning those that use public assistance (or anything they’re not working for such as child support or alimony) as their only source of income.

                Now, there’s a difference between shame and bullying.  First of all, no one should shame a child but an adult (preferably a parent), and an adult needs to realize that you’re not shaming someone to tear them down completely and leave them a puddle of tears.  Shaming a child, or telling that child that you are ashamed of them because of an action deemed reprehensible based on our social mores, should be done as a matter of fact.  “That test score is unacceptable, you are smarter than that.  Now you’ll have to buckle down and study harder” is much different than “You big dummy.  Do you want me to get Velcro shoes for you too, or can you handle the laces?”  Obviously tact is important in everything, but especially here where you are not trying to make an enemy of your child, but you are trying to make it so they realize that bringing home a test with a shitty grade (as in the example above) or just making poor decisions in general will cause you to feel ashamed. 

                This obviously will only work if you praise the crap out of them when they do something exceptional.  They’re a solid 90 student but pull out a 100 on an exam?  Go nuts with your praise and congratulations, not money, that’s silly, but praise will do it.  If you give them money just for getting good grades, then they will most likely grow up thinking that if they get good grades in college they are owed high paying jobs when they graduate, which is silly as no one owes anyone anything (the sooner your kids realize this, the better). 

                The endgame here is to get where I was in fifth grade, to have that shame take over to the point where your child wants to better themselves, not to the point where they want to kill themselves though, that’s silly.  The idea is to create a sort of self-policing within the child, so that they grow up and think twice about their actions, and what it could mean in the long run to them in terms of shame.  Let’s not forget about adults either, they could do with a healthy dose of shame themselves, isn’t that right Miley?

The Villain Bracket: First Round Breakdown

Please note, the names in italics are the movie/comic/cartoon/game that the villain appears.

Comic Book Region:

Dr. Doom Fantastic Four (1) v. 

Kingpin Spider-Man/Daredevil(16) 

Matt- No contest here.  Kingpin has a corporation but Doom is the ruler of a country, add to that the elements of magic and brains that Kingpin just doesn’t possess and it should be a runaway.

Nik- Dooooooooooom.

Sinestro Green Lantern (8) v. 

Loki Thor (9) 

Matt- While a nine over an eight is far from an upset, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Loki win this, especially given the higher profile he has received since the Marvel movies put him in the spotlight.

Nik- Loki will absolutely take this one. With how much everyone loves him from the movies? No chance. Everyone’s saying “Who’s Sinestro?” already.

Galactus Fantastic Four (5) v. 

Green Goblin Spider-Man (12) 

Matt- Galactus eats planets, Green Goblin throws pumpkins…need I say more?

Nik- Yeah. Not much can take on Galactus.

Magneto X-Men (4) v. 

Red Skull Captain America (13) 

Matt- This is quite the first round match-up.  The concentration camp survivor versus the right hand of the Third Reich.  As impressive as the backstory would be, I have to say Magneto wins this one because of the simple fact that he has the mutant ability to control the force of magnetism, while Red Skull is more or less a Hitler cronie.  

Nik- Just from movie exposure alone, Magneto takes it. Also, way more bad ass. 

As cool as Hugo Weaving was as the Red Skull in the movie.

Thanos Various Marvel Comics (6) v. 

Ra’s Al Ghul Batman (11) 

Matt- Thanos is a huge cosmically powerful being that loves death (literally, look it up) while Ra’s Al Ghul, by way of his Lazarus Pit, can’t die.  Freaky how these matchups wind up, but I would have to give this one to Thanos.

Nik- In terms of a fight, Thanos would kick ass. But if we look at popularity, people won’t know who Thanos is for another year… 

I’m thinking Ra’s Al Ghul wins.

Lex Luthor Superman (3) v. 

Rasputin Hellboy (14) 

Matt- Rasputin was the token “non big-two” villain, but I don’t see him lasting past this round as even without his exo-skeleton, Luthor is one bad mother.

Nik- Agreed. Luthor, in almost any iteration, is pretty rockin’.

General Zod Superman (7) v. 

Apocalypse X-Men (10) 

Matt- Apocalypse.  Definitely.  He’s got four horsemen and constantly makes things difficult for all of the Marvel universe, not just the X-Men.

Nik- Despite his silly stint in the X-Factor comics in the 80s, I really dig Apocalypse. But, Zod may have some serious fans out there. He’ll win this one.

Joker Batman (2) v. 

Venom Spider-Man (15) 

Matt- The Joker could have been #1 on this list.  Something about a sadistic psychopath that just makes people love him as a villain, and I agree.  Look for a deep run from Batman’s arch enemy.

Nik- Joker. To the top.

Cartoon Region:

Megatron Transformers (1) v. 

Boris & Natasha Rocky & Bullwinkle (16) 

Matt- Even the combined might of Boris and Natasha can’t save them from Megatron.

Nik- Agreed. Boris & Natasha are a little too silly to stand up to Megatron.

Mr. Burns The Simpsons (8) v. 

Aku Samurai Jack (9) 

Matt- Mr. Burns is like the Lex Luthor of Springfield, just incredibly old and frail.  Regardless, I think that his schemes would best those of Aku, plus if I get to hear him sing “See My Vest” again that would be a bonus.

Nik- Mr. Burns. Way too popular compared to Samurai Jack, unfortunately.

Mumm-Ra Thundercats (5) v. 

Doofenschmirtz Phineas and Ferb (12) 

Matt- While Mumm-ra is one of those classic, creepy 80’s villains, Doofenschmirtz may just have enough current name recognition to take him out.

Nik- Never heard of the second schmoe, so I’m picking Mumm-ra 

on this.

Skeletor He-Man (4) v. 

Bluto Popeye (13) 

Matt- Skeletor is one of my all-time favorite villains.  He has to be given a lot of credit for his scheming ability, even though they are consistently foiled by He-Man as well as Skeletor’s own bumbling lieutenants.  What does Bluto have?  A beard and a bad attitude?  Skeletor wins to scheme another day.

Nik- Skeletor. Although, this might be an upset, to be honest, 

I think Bluto might not be as helpless as we think.

Unicron Transformers (6) v.  

Gargamel Smurfs (11) 

Matt- Unicron is a lot like Galactus and for that reason, not only will he steamroll Gargamel, but he may give Shredder a run for his money in the next round.

Nik- I abstain. Because I’ve never heard of Unicron (I read it as Unicorn the first 5 times I looked at it), and I kinda just don’t like the Smurfs.

Shredder Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (3) v. Mojo Jojo Powerpuff Girls (14) 

Matt- Come on, really?  Shredder all the way.

Nik- I love the Powerpuff Girls, so I want to vote Mojo Jojo for this. But I see Shredder going far in this region.

Krang Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (7) v. Hordak She-Ra (10) 

Matt- I like Hordak as a character, he’s a more ruthless version of Skeletor, one that actually won, so I can see him winning this round, but I wouldn’t put it past Krang to make a game of it.

Nik- Krang. No one knows who Hordak is.

Cobra Commander GI Joe (2) v. 

Snidely Whiplash Dudley Do-Right (Rocky and Bullwinkle Show) (15) 

 Matt- Snidely Whiplash is fun and all, but we’re talking about the Cobra Commander here.  Hail Cobra all the way.

Nik- Snidely may upset here, but I think the Commander will top him.

Movie Region:

Darth Vader Star Wars (1) v. 

Oogey Boogey The Nightmare Before Christmas (16) 

Matt- Sorry Oogey Boogey, someone had to go down first.

Nik- Based on theme songs, it’ll be a wicked close match. But unfortunately, I think Boogey goes down here.

Leatherface Texas Chainsaw Massacre (8) v. 

Freddy Krueger Nightmare on Elm Street (9) 

Matt- This one is tough.  I think it would go to Leatherface based more on the loose adaptation of Ed Gein that created the Chainsaw story, but it could really go either way, as Nightmare was also apparently based on real events (loosely I’m sure).

Nik- Freddy Kreuger takes this one. Dream powers, man.

Voldemort Harry Potter (5) v. 

Hannibal Lecter Silence of the Lambs (12) 

Matt- The only reason Lecter isn’t a higher seed is the fact that he worked with the FBI on numerous occasions.  However that doesn’t diminish his villainy and I wouldn’t be surprised to see him win this one based on sheer evil alone.

Nik- I never saw Lecter as a villain. Whereas Voldemort is nothing but. He who shall not be named takes the taco on this one.

Sauron The Lord of the Rings (4) v. 

Khan Star Trek (13) 

Matt- Choose whichever Khan you like, the old one or the new one, but neither of them beat a being of pure evil that had an all-seeing eye on the top of his tower.  Sure he was apparently beat by a midget with jewelry, but those are just semantics.

Nik- Despite my complaints about the LoTR, Sauron wins this one, with a vengeance.

Dracula Dracula (6) v. 

The Wicked Witch of the West 

The Wizard of Oz (11) 

Matt- This is tough.  While vampires have got a bad rap the last few years thanks to Twilight, the original is still the best.  I’d have to give it to him in a close one.

Nik- The original strigoi, Dracula wins it.

Alien Alien (3) v. 

Gozer the Gozerian 

Ghostbusters (14) 

Matt- The Alien is a ruthless creature, that should win this whole tournament based on how it reproduces alone, it will win this round fairly easily though.

Nik- As much as I love Ghostbusters, the xenomorph, as it’s properly called, shall win easily.

Cruella DeVille 101 Dalmations (7) v. 

Michael Corleone 

The Godfather (10) 

Matt- She wants to skin puppies to make a coat, he ruthlessly had his brother murdered (poor Fredo).  Based on my love of The Godfather, I’m just going to have to pick Michael in this one.

Nik- Oh man, if Cruella DeVille were from a Grimm fairy tale… how cool? But Michael Corleone has to take it for being so bad.

Predator Predator (2) v. 

John Doe Se7en (15) 

Matt- I love the psychological horror that John Doe visits upon everyone, but it’s hard to pick against the Predator.

Nik- The Predator is just too cool to be taken down so soon, despite how awesome Se7en was. This could be an upset, though.

Video Game Region:

Bowser Super Mario Brothers (1) v. 

Pac Man Ghosts Pac Man (16) 

Matt- This should be an easy one for Bowser.  If it’s not then I’ve lost faith in the decision-making abilities of all humanity.

Nik- Agreed. In both instances.

Wario Super Mario Brothers (8) v. 

Donkey Kong Donkey Kong (9) 

Matt- This may be an interesting one as both villains have played hero-type roles in their own games.  I would still give the slight edge to Wario based on his more recent villainy.

Nik- Wario annoys the hell out of me, and I think it’d be a nice nod to DK to acknowledge his roots.

Ridley Metroid (5) v. 

Reapers Mass Effect (12) 

Matt- The Reapers are giant alien machines while Ridley is a Pterodactyl-looking alien.  I give this one to Ridley.

Nik- Yeah, Ridley’s pretty cool for this one.

Eggman Sonic the Hedgehog (4) v. 

Sigma Mega Man X (13) 

Matt- People are likely more familiar with Eggman than Sigma, so that should lead to his solid victory.

Nik- Eggman is a classic. As much as I dislike the Sonic games, I know Eggman will play to a lot of nostalgia.

M. Bison Street Fighter (6) v. 

Shao Khan Mortal Kombat (11) 

Matt- Battle of the end bosses.  I like M. Bison to win a close one on this.

Nik- Yeah, I think Street Fighter takes it, for classic sake. Shao Khan is grittier, scarier, but I think the shoulder pads will rock it.

Dr. Wiley Mega Man (3) v. 

King K. Rool Donkey Kong Country (14) 

Matt- Gotta go with Dr. Wiley.  He utilizes his jealousy of Dr. Light to build and modify robots to dangerous levels while King K. Rool stole Donkey Kong’s bananas.

Nik- Dr. Wiley is one of the first video game villains I ever actually got to on my own. And he was hard. So I’m going with him.

Goro Mortal Kombat (7) v. 

Sagat Street Fighter (10) 

Matt- Goro should easily win this.  He was hands down the coolest thing about the original Mortal Kombat.

Nik- Don’t you mean four hands down? Yeah, he’d win.

Ganon Legend of Zelda (2) v. 

King Dedede Kirby (15) 

Matt- No contest.  Ganon in a landslide. 

Nik- Ganon. Or Ganondorf, either iteration, he’d kick ass.