Thursday, April 3, 2014

Not So New Comic Review: Guardians of the Galaxy (1991) #28

                Let’s check in on the thirty-first century superheroes, time displaced into the 90’s (at least they fit in fashion-wise).  Oh hey, this issue comes complete with guest penciller…Herb Trimpe!  You all know my feelings about 1990s Herb Trimpe, so suffice it to say, the artwork in this issue will be terrible.  How’s the story though?  Let’s see…

                Okay, so the Guardians go back in time, which means that they have a massive amount of villains to fight, and because they are not affiliated with any one team, they can have anyone’s villains, Avengers, X-men, whoever.  Who do they get?  Doctor freaking Octopus, in all his spandex glory and a team of retarded misfits that wouldn’t scare Aunt May on her worst day.  Not only that, but Trimpe draws them just as you would expect, like Rob Liefeld broke his hand and instead of taking an issue off, just duct taped a pencil to it and kept going.

                This series used to be pretty good, what happened?

                One of the villains is Yellowjacket (not Hank Pym, the girl Yellowjacket) who wants to be an Avenger but just tagged along with the villains because…she wanted to belong?  I guess?  Anyway, because the heroes were all apparently killed in the beginning of the Infinity War storyline, this delightful group of villains is hell-bent on attacking the Avengers Mansion and taking the technology therein for themselves.  This just so happens to be where the Guardians are heading as well (what a coincidence).

                Of course, before the Guardians can fight Doctor Octopus and his Z-List All Stars, they have to fight Jarvis with a vacuum cleaner (seriously).  Of course that fight ends quickly as a Dyson’s got nothing on Captain America’s shield.  Luckily as soon as they are done there, the League of Sub-Par Supervillains shows up.  The Guardians start fighting them and with all the jumping and strange poses Trimpe puts these characters in, it just highlights the fact that the heads on all of his characters, especially the muscle-bound ones, are two sizes too small (of course that goes along with the ankles and feet of the characters which are too small to hold up the massive frames).  I know Trimpe was basically just aping a “house-style” at this point, but damn, this is ridiculous and borderline unreadable. 

                As everyone is fighting, we get the next entry into the “shit I don’t want to see from this comic book” in the form of another doppelganger!  This one is of Starhawk, hooray!

                Just as we the Guardians have defeated the shitty villain patrol, Doctor Octopus shows up, triumphantly, with more villains!  These guys aren’t much better than the others, but the Shocker is in there, so there’s that.

                Next issue: There’s more Z-List supervillains, and more dopplegangers, and more regret on my part that I’m reviewing this series.





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