Thursday, April 10, 2014

Not So New Comic Review: Guardians of the Galaxy (1991) #29

                So what’s better than a comic involving a bunch of characters that aren’t that appealing to begin with?  Doubling those characters of course!  It’s doppelgangers galore!

                Jim Valentino’s final issue on the book (he would go on to be one of the Image Comics founders shortly after this, with his book Darkhawk) starts out pretty crappily.  Now, he only offers the plot on this issue, leaving the scripting to new writer Michael Gallagher, while JJ Birch takes over the art duties for this issue.  Birch is not as bad as Trimpe, but he’s not that good, as evidenced by the opening shot of Charlie’s face. 

                The battle between the Guardians and the bad guys (Doctor Octopus, Gargantua, Puff Adder and Shocker) begins and is as underwhelming as you might expect when the villains are Gargantua and Puff Adder (two guys I had never heard of before this series).  As that battle rages, another one is going on as well, as Starhawk is fighting his doppelganger.  No matter how many times he defeats it though, it keeps coming back.  Aleta, who is still inside Starhawk in case you forgot, suggests that Starhawk let her take over the body, therefore not giving the doppelganger anything to absorb (since that’s the whole reason the doppelganger is there, to absorb his “double”).  Starhawk doesn’t want this to happen because he knows Aleta will never relinquish control of the body back to him. 

                Back to the Guardians, and we have an incoming of doppelgangers, of both the heroes and villains.  Of course, that doesn’t matter as Vance is fighting Puff Adder and utters the single greatest line in comics: “The name is Major Victory….Remember it when they’re filling out your report in the emergency room!”

                Okay, are you done laughing?  Let’s break down that statement real quick. 

A.      Why would Puff Adder go to the emergency room?  Something tells me that’s not a place frequented by super-powered villains. 

B.      Even if Puff Adder went to the emergency room (on the off-chance that he wanted to take that risk) what does Major Victory’s name have to do with anything?  When would that come up in conversation?  Would a doctor, who is treating a dude dressed up like a snake, really ask him who it was that beat him up?

C.      If Vance Astro hit Puff Adder with a psychokinetic blast, how would that be treated medically at all, much less in an emergency room?

Anyway, the rest of the heroes and villains are fighting their own doppelgangers, but that’s nothing compared to the struggle within Starhawk.  Aleta is finally taking control, and not a moment too soon as Starhawk is about to lose to the doppelganger.  Aleta wins but not without apparently sustaining some damage from a mysterious source.

Back to the Guardians, who have now teamed up with the villains they were just fighting to stop the bigger threat of the doppelgangers…which they do.  Just like that, the status quo is restored.  As the dust settles, Doctor Octopus wants the villains to attack the Guardians, even though they are outnumbered, but because the Guardians just helped those villains survive an attack on their lives, they turn on Doc Ock instead. 

To top things off, Jarvis shows up with brooms so that everyone can help clean up.

Next issue: They all get jobs as janitors, or something.

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