Masochist Music Review: Ozzy Osbourne - Under Cover

What can I say, I’m a masochist when it comes to music.  I like to have complete catalogues when it comes to my favorite musicians.  Sometimes this is a good thing (Alice Cooper, AC/DC) but oftentimes it’s not.  Not only that, but I used to fall into the trap of hearing one or two great songs and purchasing a whole album because of it, which sometimes produced a diamond, but usually only coal.  During this series, we will dwell on some of the albums I have in my collection that are downright terrible.  I will re-listen to them all and give you my impression of them.

Now this is only my opinion, so don’t take it as gospel.  If you like a particular album in this series, let me know, we’ll open up a discussion about it.  I’m always open to discussing the merits of any particular album, and if you have any suggestions (and especially if you have the album itself and are willing to share your views) then let me know and I’d be happy to add it to the list.

Album Name: Under Cover

Artist:  Ozzy Osbourne

Release Date:  2005

Why you bought it:  Ozzy was one of my first “favorite bands” when I was growing up.  Since that time I have devoured anything I can from him, for better or worse.  It just so happens that Under Cover wasn’t for the better. 

First impressions:  I generally like to hear covers of songs just to see how an artist I enjoy puts their own spin on a traditional song (Marilyn Manson is probably my favorite both in terms of his choices of songs to cover and their overall execution).  Ozzy was no different in this respect, except for the most part he stayed a little too “true” to the originals and didn’t even really attempt to make them his own (aside from his voice that is).  That’s not to say that the song choices were all bad, in fact tracks like “Mississippi Queen”, “Rocky Mountain Way” and “Sunshine of Your Love” are excellent choices for a cover album.  The main problem was that nine of the thirteen tracks on this album actually came out earlier that year in the Prince of Darkness box set.  Picking four or five of his favorite tracks from the box set and filling out the rest of the album with ten new covers would have been ideal.  As it was, this seemed like a cash grab during a time when Ozzy’s popularity had exploded (this was shortly after The Osbournes took over television).  While I can understand why they would do it (especially if someone didn’t want to drop the $50 or whatever it was for the four disc box set) for die-hards like me, it felt like overkill and left a sour taste in my mouth from the get-go.

Impressions upon listening to it recently:  It’s not a horrible album by any means.  The songs chosen were pretty much all tracks that I enjoyed in their original iterations, so hearing Ozzy cover them was a bonus.  I still wish there was a bit more “Ozzy” to them though.

Any saving grace?:  Sure.  Like I said, it’s not a bad album.  The main problem was purchasing this a few months after over half the tracks were released on another album.  If I was faced with the same decision today, I would have just purchased the individual tracks for a dollar apiece off Amazon or something like that.

Was it worth the purchase?:  If you love Ozzy or just well executed cover songs than yes, absolutely.  If you already own the Prince of Darkness box set than no.  Just download the four missing tracks.

Eternal Debate

I wrote this strip back in 2006 and it still rings true.  The debate may rage on but there's one thing we can agree on, Gary Cherone was not a good fit for Van Halen.

Semantics

Sure, all art is just dots or lines on paper, but I was never one for this particular kind of art.  The only thing worse than this is when some kid does something similar and his yuppie parents think it's worthy of a gallery show.  Seriously, I've seen it happen before.

Not So New Comic Review: Guardians of the Galaxy (1991) #14

                When last we left the Guardians, religion had basically screwed everything up (isn’t that always the case?).  The future version of Ghost Rider had marked our intrepid heroes for termination, and what the Spirit of Vengeance wants, he usually gets.  Before we get into all of that though we get two pages of backstory to bring us up to date on the goings-on of the Guardians, just in case you haven’t been paying attention for the last few issues.

                With that out of the way it’s back to the action.  By back to the action I mean that the Guardians are yet again severely overmatched.  This is all obviously a huge misunderstanding as the Guardians are not the priests that Ghost Rider is looking for, but that doesn’t stop things from escalating.  Eventually it’s Aleta to the rescue again as she separates Ghost Rider from the rest of the Guardians, just in time for the actual priests (priests with spaceships no less!) to surround the Guardians’ ship and threaten to blow them out of the sky.  This actually convinces Ghost Rider that the Guardians were telling the truth and he leaves, trying to draw the priests away with him, which would allow the Guardians to escape.  Of course, no one really follows Ghost Rider (the guy they were looking for in the first place) and instead decides to stay around and destroy the Guardians for harboring a terrorist. 

                In order to avoid being blown to smithereens, the Guardians call on Replica to plead with the boss of the Universal Church of Truth for their lives.  The thinking is that she should be able to reason with him because she is a member of his religion.  I just want to take a second to comment on the leader of the church’s appearance.  Actually, instead, I’ll just show you a picture of him and let you make your own joke.

                Okay, feel better?  The leader decides to bring the Guardians to his planet in order to interrogate them.  Before we can get to that, we get a quick stop in with Force and Malevolence who are now in official team-up mode (we’ll get back to them next issue).  Onto the planet, where the Guardians are supposed to answer for their crimes but instead just start fighting even though they are severely outnumbered.  Charlie, Nikki and Martinex hold them off while Vance and Yondu run to see if they can find Ghost Rider.  Once the three have been captured and taken away to have their souls “saved” the leader questions Replica about the Guardians’ star emblem (the thing that makes them teleport back to their ship and communicate).  She says they are purely ornamental, committing the mortal sin of lying to the leader of the religion.  Valentino does a decent job of showing her struggle with the emotions as she is slowly coming to grips with the fact that the religion she follows so devoutly is a bunch of murderers and zealots. 

                Vance and Yondu decide that now is a great time to get a beer and wander into one of the local bars in town.  Vance claims that he is looking into gauging the locals, which would be fine if his teammates weren’t currently locked up by religious zealots.  Oh Vance, that’s never what Cap would do.

                We make a quick detour to Aleta, who is out in space to rescue Starhawk (who is currently floating on a meteor).  Starhawk takes this opportunity to try and reabsorb Aleta (which has some pretty creepy rape-connotations to it, far more than you would expect in a 90’s comic about guys with giant ray guns).  Aleta pushes him away and then encases him in one of her light-bubbles so that he can’t get to her while she flies to the homeworld because there are prophecies about to come true (more  on that next issue).

                Now we’re back on the planet, where the Guardians are being downright tortured by the church because they are non-believers.  This is all based on Jim Starlin’s work in his old Warlock books and it’s pretty damn spot on to a lot of the worst aspects of some religions both past and present.  I won’t get into a philosophical discussion about religion with you, because I wholeheartedly do not care what your religious views are (as it should be) but I hope for your soul that you are part of one of the good ones that Ghost Rider approves of.

 

                Speaking of Ghost Rider, he actually shows up and kills a couple priests (after they kill some civilians) which Vance calls him out on.  This guy that not only is trying to save his life, but that of his friends is getting a stern talking to by Vance.  Unfortunately, that’s probably exactly what Captain America would do.

 

                We are back in the cell now, where the leader bursts through the door to set the Guardians free, stating that they have been saved.  Except, it’s not the leader, it’s Replica doing her replica-thing.  We find this out because the real leader just happens to come through the door at that moment.  Replica gives the Guardians their stars so they can teleport away, just as Ghost Rider comes in and stabs the leader with his flying flaming motorcycle.  We’re back on the spaceship and Aleta tells the Guardians what their next mission is.  It involves getting to Homeworld because she is now “the one who knows”.

                Next: We take a trip back in time with the Guardians of the Galaxy Annual #1 before returning to the regularly series in two weeks. 

Twerk Jerk

Seriously, if twerking is something you do with any regularity it may be time to rethink your life path.

Video Game Review: Lego Marvel Super Heroes

                 Okay, we all knew that if you combined a Lego game (already known for having an incredibly high quality gaming experience) along with Marvel Super Heroes (on an unbelievable high in terms of popularity right now) you would get a quality product, right?  The real question pertains more to whether the parts complement each other enough to make a superior product, or whether it’s just good because it’s a Lego game, or because it contains Marvel characters.

                The short answer is yes, it works with some slight exceptions.  If I was going to stick with short answers though I would be more active on Twitter.  Here’s why it works, and it’s not entirely why you think.  I love the addition of Marvel characters to the Lego video game mythos, and the amount of characters that they pack into this game is phenomenal, but this is not a perfect game and it gets less and less perfect the more you unlock.  First of all, while I like the amount of characters included, there are some glaring exceptions (no Namor, Adam Warlock or Quicksilver, and how can you have a cavalcade of Marvel villains and include The Wizard but not Apocalypse?).  I can live with that though as the characters that are there are generally fun to utilize and of the gigantic cast I can always find someone that I want to use. 

                Unfortunately, that is a minor gripe when there are more major ones to be had.  As with the past two Lego games (Lego Batman 2 and Lego Lord of the Rings) the game is buggy.  It’s not as bad as Lego Batman 2, but it’s still a pain, and something you would think would be fixed by now.  The fighting mechanic is also subpar as once a button is pushed it seems to start a succession of punches, not just one per button push, so you usually see your character swinging at air halfway through a fight.  There are also instances within the fight itself where the character, instead of just swinging at a bad guy with their arms or legs will go into a convoluted animation, like a grab and throw, out of nowhere.  This is time consuming and gets old after awhile, which is why most of the characters (the ones without projectiles of some sort) are virtually useless except for their assigned tasks (telekinesis, super strength, etc.) and even then you can usually find a projectile-wielding character that has one of those other qualities if you have enough time and Lego studs.  I like the fact that if you “kill” en bad guys in a row you get to multiply the studs collected by ten for a few seconds, but getting to that point is a pain in the ass (especially since your ai character(s) rarely defeat bad guys by themselves). 

                The flying mechanic is also hard to control, which wouldn’t be that big of a pain if it wasn’t for the fact that a lot of the bonus content (the gold bricks) are won by racing through the sky.  I’ve tried many of the different races and have not won one yet.  I have a feeling once I unlock all the rest of the content I will just have to go back through and keep trying.  It shouldn’t be that hard though, especially if it’s something that is so closely tied to the overall completion of the game. 

                The campaign itself is relatively enjoyable.  The levels are lengthy, but with multiple checkpoints you can stop and be assured that your progress is saved (unless a bug hits and you freeze halfway through).  The way that the story interweaves all of the Marvel heroes together (something it did not do until the final few missions of Lego Batman 2) is equal parts interesting and admirable.  I wish the real Marvel crossovers were written this well.  The characters are pretty spot on in terms of the way they act and interact and I enjoy the traditional Lego humor that is added to the game.  The post-credits scene once you beat the game (reflecting the same trait that all of the Marvel movies harbor) is a great touch as well.  Of course, the real fun of the Lego games are not the campaigns in their truest form, but instead the “freeplay” aspect.  This is not only the running (or flying) around New York City, collecting all of the gold bricks and character/vehicle tokens, but also going back through the levels and using whatever character you want to complete the task at hand. 

The replayability of this game is through the roof as I beat the campaign well over a week ago but still find myself firing it up to go back  through the levels and finding everything necessary to accomplish 100% completion.  In fact, once I beat the initial storyline (and found a few extra bricks/tokens along the way) I had only completed around twenty-five percent of the game.  That left seventy-five percent of extra shit to find and do!  Needless to say, I still have a ways to go.  In addition to going back through the levels, there are smaller levels open and available once you beat the game.  These “Hubs” as they’re called, are usually one room and the more gold bricks you get, the more open up.  You can beat them and then go back through them in free play to get all of the things you missed out on the first time, much like a regular level.  Here, you get the super powerful red bricks (called Deadpool Bricks here) that allow you to do things like multiply your studs times upwards of ten, or it will provide markers to show you where all of the minikits, gold bricks or tokens are.    

Most of the fun of this game will be when my son finally gets to play it and he can fly around New York City as Iron Man or Thor, or whoever.  His love of superheroes is on par with my own and the joy on his face when he blows me up with an errant Iron Man laser blast will be well worth the price.  If you have kids, or are a kid at heart, I suggest that you invest not only your money but also your time in this title.

The value of art

As many of you may know, I was at a craft show this past weekend, trying my damndest to sell painted wine bottles through Broken Hand Wine Design.  While the weather was spotty all day and the location was horrendous, it was the people that made the experience excruciating.  I am not what is known as a "people person" to begin with, but being amongst the masses seemed like a necessary evil in order to sell crafts that I thought would make wonderful Christmas gifts.  Were they highly priced?  Sure, but no more so than they should have been (and honestly, if I was going to charge based upon the work that I put into them I could probably double the price).

Anyway, I think the main issue is that the patrons of this particular craft fair did not understand the value of art, an artist, or a one of a kind craft.  I had many, many people come by the table and they marveled at my "Grinch" bottle.  They said that it was the best interpretation of the Grinch at the whole Christmas in Mexico event.  Yet by the end of the show, it still sat on the end of the table.  At one point I wanted to yell out that this was not a gallery show and people could actually buy the pieces on display, but that seemed a little too "get off my lawn" for the moment (time and place, time and place).  Everyone that came by the table (and admittedly there were not many) looked at the bottles, some even stopping to pick one up that particularly caught their eye, be it one of the cartoon characters or sports logos, and yet they all put them back down.  Those people are fine in my book, they were there more to look than they were to buy something.  That's fine.  Though it would still irk me a bit when they would go to the next table over and purchase some re-purposed Dollar Store chincy crap after passing over something homemade.  I was warned that this was entirely possible, that the crowd I was playing to there may not be as accepting of what I was producing as in other places, and I rolled the dice anyway.

All of that is fine, but what is not fine is the individuals that came up to the table and said "oh, I should have (husband/wife/brother/etc) do this with their empty wine bottles".  Thanks lady, because I am not here to sell things, only to inspire you to nag your significant other.  Or the woman that came by the table, looked at one of my bottles (one of the sports logo ones) and say, and I quote "I can't even paint and I could do that".  Thank you so very much for marginalizing what I do.  I admit, the sports logo ones are not nearly as difficult as the faces or scenes, but they take time as well, time that many people aren't willing to put into a craft.

The whole point of paying for goods and services is because someone is willing and able to do something that you are neither willing or able to do.  Even if you could do that, it doesn't make much sense to go by the vendor offering that good or service, who may or may not have stayed up late the night before finishing pieces in anticipation of selling them the following day, and state how you can do what he does.  That's pretty bad form if you ask me.  Especially if you are going to go buy some marked up crap you can find down the road at a department store instead.

Here's a sincere question for those who are still not 100% on my side.  Would you pay $35 (what I charge for the regular-sized bottles) for an original painting, say 10"x14"?  Sounds like a pretty decent deal, right?  When that same painting is translated to a cylindrical shape, sometimes with embellishments (like the hats on the Grinch and Santa, or the turkey feathers) why does the value drop?  How are any of these any less in value than something painted on a board or canvas?  The answer is that they are not, and anyone that thinks otherwise probably belongs at a different table buying knick-knack garbage.

While I am using my experience this last weekend as the platform, this is a pretty common practice that needs to be fixed.  First of all, artists need to realize that you shouldn't have to bow to the public's view of your art.  Do you think your art is worth $50 per piece?  Then charge $50 per piece.  Don't let the masses undervalue your art.  Did you put four hours into a painting?  Shouldn't that original be worth more than the $10 most people are willing to pay for it?  Have some pride in yourself and your work and if we all stick together then we won't be undercut by people with no self-worth.

And to those prospective buyers out there: yes, there are individuals that are trying to gouge you in terms of the price they have placed on their work.  Is that the norm?  Not at all, and probably even less so than that purse you paid $80 for even though it cost about $3 to make.  And if you don't want a piece of art, original or otherwise, or a craft that someone is selling, then move along.  It's okay to look, it's even okay to compliment the artist and strike up a conversation (while they don't pay the bills, compliments are still nice to get) but when you marginalize something that some of us have spent upward of thirty years and tens of thousands of dollars cultivating with an "I can do that" it makes me want to shove one of my hand-painted, one of a kind bottles up your ass...large end first.