Punishment that fits the crime.
-Nik
I'm seeing
this more often. And I'm loving it every time. As kids become douchier and
douchier (more and more douchy?), adults, judges, parents and the like have to
devise new and more creative ways to punish kids and make them learn the
lessons of their mistakes. In the news lately I've seen a rash of parents
making kids hold signs up on the side of the road "Honk if I'm disrespectful."
"I'm homeless because I disobeyed my father." Things like that. And
they're all awesome. There was a guy who brought his daughter and her laptop
out into a field and he then proceeded to unload his pistol into the laptop. All
because she was bitching about him of facebook. That man deserves a medal. And
judges are ruling these things as totally okay.
This one
is the newest. The girl (13), with an accomplice (11), cut the ponytail off of
a three year old girl in a McDonald's. Why is there an eleven year old with a
pair of scissors unsupervised in a McDonald's? We may never know. So, when the
snot was brought before a judge and given community service, the judge said
that she could get her time reduced if they cut her pony tail off right there.
Audio reports are saying that the victim's mom was in full agreement, and
encouraged it be cut more when she believed it still too long.
Now the
mom's filing a formal complaint. Boo hoo. If you're kid were properly parented
to begin with, you wouldn't have to be embarrassed about her getting her hair
cut off in a court room. You've no reason to bitch. Frankly, I'm considering
filing a formal complaint myself. One saying that you should get your hair cut
too. Maybe then you'll learn the lesson that what your daughter does reflects
directly on you.
Dirty Jersey
-Nik
Can
anyone say Bath Salts? The reason the dude was naked is 'cause he was getting
ready to bite a hobo's face off, duh! If there's anything that the media has
taught me, it's that you really should expect the most absurd out of things.
We're just lucky that it was in the woods. Side of the highway? Game over.
Besides,
who in their right mind would walk naked anywhere in Jersey ?
I don't even like to drive through the damn state, much less even think about
being nude there. I really can't wait to see where this one goes. One of the
actually intriguing bits is that he had "...some paperwork from New York State New York
Burn!
-Nik
How is
there a national rule against sun screen in schools? And when did that kick in?
I remember being slathered in that shit when I was in school. These poor girls
had an all-day outdoor activity, one has partial albinism, and they're gingers?
Why doesn't the mom cover them head-to-toe before they leave the house
everyday? And with everyone paranoid about every disease and every cancer known
to man, and even those unknown, how can this not be allowed in school. Yes, I
understand the concern of some lascivious smarm rubbing lotion over the
shoulders of some innocent young lass, but not to allow the students to apply it
themselves? I think the allergy concern is a little over-blown. Have they
banned all peanut butter, too? A handful of states, I understand it falling
through the cracks of logic, but for 49 states? Just a prime example of stupid
things being blow way out of proportion, and the important stuff falling by the
wayside. Bigger things to worry about in our schools, methinks.
No Child Left Behind
-Matt
Ha! This is the future of our country America
God bless America, land of political correctness.
-Matt
Where the
fuck did our sense of humor go?
Seriously! Just because a shoe
has chains on it, it doesn’t mean it’s racist.
Should we just do away with chains altogether? Nope, can’t use rope because Al Sharpton
would equate that to lynching. What to
do, what to do.
The Nike
sneakers that have flames on there that resemble the Arabic word for
Allah? First of all, Arabs get offended
over everything that even sniffs their religion. Every.
Fucking. Thing. And besides, were these sneakers made for
Arabs? Really? When’s the last time you have seen an Arab
dunking a basketball? Hakeem Olajuwon
was one I think, and that was nearly twenty years ago.
Math is
tough Barbie? Fuck, math is tough, it’s
better that Barbie tells these kids now until they get to Calculus class and
realize it for themselves. They just need
to come out with a companion toy for boys.
Might I suggest girls like a douche GI Joe?
Five
wives Vodka. Yup, apparently it’s
offensive to Mormons. Really though, if
you have five wives, wouldn’t you need to be drunk?
Call of Juarez : The
Cartel. Well Mexico Mushroom Land
Steve the
Tramp! I had this figure when I was
young! I don’t know any kid that would
be offended by this, and honestly if a grown man that lives in the streets is
playing with a Steve the Tramp action figure then he has a little more to worry
about then how the box description portrays his odor.
Taste the
Lin-Sanity. What is wrong with equating
fortune cookies with Chinese people?
Seriously. If you are Chinese and
you are reading this right now, would you rather be equated with child labor,
smog or fortune cookies? That’s what I
thought. Hey America
Menthol X
cigarettes. Since when did the colors
black red and green stand for racial pride?
It sounds like Christmas in the Ghetto to me. And why can’t a company try and target a
specific demographic of people? That’s
just good business. Luxury cars target
rich people, Activia yogurt targets women with poor digestive systems and
frosted flakes targets kids. I don’t get
it.
Gay cure
iphone app. That’s just funny. That someone found this to be so offensive to
make a stink over makes it even funnier.
What is
wrong with a politically incorrect t-shirt?
Political incorrectness is hilarious!
As long as you don’t wear the shirt in the wrong neighborhood you will
be fine. Somewhere out there someone
else has a sense of humor.
This is 911, would you like fries with that?
-Nik
Disclaimer: I didn't read this
story. I have no complaints about the story.
The headline is: "13-year-old
girl helps police catch burglars in house". Aside from it being absolutely
asinine to hyphenate "13-year-old", I have no problem with it.
I do have a problem with the caption
under the picture.
"Alexis Stannis, along with her
younger brother, helped police nab three burgers by calling 911 from a bedroom
closet."
Did the kids call 911 from their
closet and ask the police for their order at Burger King? Did they make a
Wendy's run on their bikes? Or perhaps they ditched the lemonade idea and
started a burger stand.
If it said "burgars" I may
understand. Okay, you forgot the "L". But no, it's
"burgers". Who do we have to blame for this? Frankly, I blame MSNBC
as a whole. For hiring a writer who will rely so heavily on spell check that
they let "burgers" slip through. For hiring an editor who didn't find
it odd that "burgers" was in the article. And in general, for
allowing such low-quality writing on what should be a reputable news source.
Thanks for the laughs, MSNBC.
-Nik
Call
me unpatriotic. Call me a Commie. But I've never cared about the Olympics. I've
never been much for sports to begin with, but the Olympics has been the
pinnacle of boring for me. Between the blanket coverage on every network, and
the barrage of so many sports and so many things to remember about each individual
event. I just get overwhelmed about something that I never gave a damn about in
the first place.
Yes,
I acknowledge that it's kind of cool to see the world's fastest and most
athletic pitted against one another. Especially seeing the races and things:
who has the fastest human being in the world? But I get the feeling that the
Olympics is another case of 9/11 Syndrome that springs up every two years. Our
fervor for America
But
with this new list of odd Olympic sports, I wouldn't
mind watching some of the events, a nice change of pace from some of the more
mundane sports that we're saturated with. Before I delve into some of the cool
ones, I really want to say that the Hammer Throw, Table Tennis/Badminton,
Shooting and BMX Racing are not odd. What kind of stretch did you have
to make to say those are weird? Just make it a list of two, rather than six.
But.
Team
Pursuit Cycling? Qua? Never heard of it. It sounds bizarre though. I couldn't
even understand what the hell happens from reading the article. A bunch of
people ride their bikes to see who's the fastest, basically.
It's
Racewalking that tickles me. It's essentially mall walking for the gold. And
they're so serious about you not running, that the rules state that you can't
have both feet off of the ground at the same time. Wait a minute! I wish I'd
known about this in high school, 'cause I used to Racewalk my ass off to get to
class on time, sometimes. And I also find it amazing how such a silly
"sport" could harbor tragedy. Some dude committed suicide because he
didn't qualify in 2004? Maybe there was other stuff going on in his life to
cause it, but the article makes it sound like the loss was a direct influence.
If that's the case, just go take a few more laps around the mall. Better luck
in four more years.
This sounds like something Oprah would promote: "And you can go to the Olympics, and you can go to the Olympics!" Way to have your own participation trophy Olympic games. - Matt
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