Last Rites

I don't think this is how Jesus did it.  Though I wouldn't know for sure, 

I couldn't make it past the talking snake with the penchant for apples.

This Seems Oddly Familiar

Can anyone tell me why this seems familiar?  

Not So New Comic Review: Guardians of the Galaxy (1991) #27

                The Guardians have gone back to the past to destroy the Badoon before they get a chance to commit genocide of their own.  Will Marty McFly disappear for good?  Will Biff Tannen eat shit?  Will we really give a rat’s ass about Talon after this issue?  Let’s see!

                We open on old “high and mighty” Vance Astro who, despite the fact that the Badoon are notorious mass murderers, wants to give them a free pass and not play god when given the opportunity. Before Vance can get too far into his diatribe against striking first and the element of surprise, Talon shows up to ruin everything by saying that he’s sick.  While I think this is a great thing, and the less Talon the better, the rest of the Guardians seem to be genuinely concerned.

                Talon requests that the Guardians (who are now in the 20^th century) take him to Attilan, the lunar home of the Inhumans.  Now I love The Inhumans, they are one of my favorite groups and their untapped potential (back in the nineties anyways, now they are being overdone for political purposes) was always perplexing to me.  If Talon is an Inhuman though (which is what it sounds like) then I will be sorely disappointed. 

                The Guardians teleport down to the surface of the moon and are greeted by the Inhumans, who are naturally ready to fight these crazy creatures that just show up in their hometown.  While the Inhumans shouldn’t be surprised to see strange goings-on like this as they are part of the Marvel Universe, they also were just witness to the destruction of the Baxter Building (did I mention that the next few issues tie into the “infinity War” storyline going around the Marvel Universe at this time?)  Understandably, the Inhumans are a little on edge, so they lash out to protect their home, leading to fight where all Vance does is bitch and whine about how they should be working together.  Eventually they all lay down their arms and come together to see what has been going on down on Earth.  Vance is shocked as he knows those heroes, and the fact that they all “died” on Earth (they didn’t, this is comics) upsets him but also causes him to want to go investigate. 

 

                Except before he can do anything, dopplegangers show up!  Of course they do.  Everyone fights their evil twin wile Talon’s health improves (dammit) until he wakes up.  In a matter of two pages, the doppelganger fight is over and everything is back to normal.  At this point, Vance continues on his mission of checking out what happened on Earth so the Guardians teleport down.

                Next Issue: we get to see what’s going on on Earth, hopefully it doesn’t involve more dopplegangers (and Talon is indeed an Inhuman, so there’s a giant black eye for their race). 

Hallucinations

I'm not going to lie, I just wanted to find a reason to use the phrase "Great Qui-Gon's Ghost".

Villain Bracket Third Round Breakdown

Please note, the names in italics are the movie/comic/cartoon/game that the villain appears.

Comic Book Region:

Galactus Fantastic Four (5) vs. 

Loki Thor (9) –

Matt- Call me flabbergasted at the development here, but Dr. Freaking Doom, my pick to come out of the comic region hasn’t even made it to the Sweet Sixteen.  With Loki’s momentum I wouldn’t be surprised if he easily takes out Galactus the same way he did Doom, through name recognition and the apparent acting prowess of Tom Hiddleston.

Nik- I’m going to have to agree here. I didn’t think the movies would have that much clout here. Galactus is pretty badass. If it came down to the two in the comics, I think Gal would rock the snot out of Loki. But Loki seems to be doing pretty damn well for himself. I think we’ll see Loki triumph on this one.

Joker Batman (2) v. 

Lex Luthor Superman (3) –

Matt- This is the match-up everyone wanted here, right?  Superman’s villain vs. Batman’s villain?  The big bad guy of the DC Universe?  Luthor is formidable, and probably the most formidable that Joker has faced to this point, but I can’t pick against the Clown Prince of Crime in this spot.  Joker wins.

Nik- Epic match-up. Kevin Spacey vs Mark Hamill. Weird.  I can’t not pick the Joker on this one, for many reasons. But, what it all boils down to for me, is that the Joker is much more likeable a villain in my eyes.

Cartoon Region:

Megatron Transformers (1) v. 

Mumm-Ra Thundercats (5) –

Matt- We have Megatron’s narrow victory over Mr. Burns vs. Mumm-Ra’s convincing trouncing of Skeletor (much to my chagrin).  In terms of overall scariness, I would have to go with Mumm-Ra, but I’m sticking with Megatron, my fandom fully intact.

Nik- Mumm-Ra FTW. I’m not surprised to see Megatron here, I knew it’d be super close, even though I put Mr. Burns to move on, but I think this may be where Megatron fails. Mumm-ra’s just cooler, I think. Sorry Matt, I never was that big of a Transformers fan.

Shredder Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (3) v.  

Krang Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (7)  –

Matt- It’s a Ninja Turtle showdown.  I’m going to have to go with Shredder here based more on his presence in other media.  Krang was only in the cartoons (and a couple video games) but Shredder’s movie roles were expertly handled to make him seem like more of a threat than the cartoon ever did.   

Nik- What a great match here too! I love the results thus far. This is a fun one, but based on sheer bad-assery, I’d have to say Shredder here. Krang was too bumbling for me, too much like the Claw or whatever his name was from Inspector Gadget. I seem to remember him always cursing the Turtles as the camera pulled out from the Chrome Dome (that’s what his base was called, right?), each episode.

Movie Region:

Darth Vader Star Wars (1) v.

 Sauron The Lord of the Rings (4) –

Matt- Sauron squeaked out a win in the last round, but his luck runs out here.  Vader pretty much has everything Sauron has…and he’s mobile!  Vader takes it convincingly.

Nik- Absolutely. Sauron goes down. We’re not talking whiney Hayden Christianson Vader here. This is James Earl Jones-powered awesomeness. Sorry Sauron, but the Force is strong with this one.

Predator Predator (2) v. 

Alien Alien (3) –

Matt-  The age old question, Alien vs. Predator.  It’s like picking a favorite child.  I’m going with The Predator but I’m fully aware that this could easily go the other way.

Nik- Oh lordy no. The Predator is the poor man’s Xenomorph. He’s still awesome, don’t get me wrong, but the Alien is ridiculously. The stuff nightmares are made of. Alien takes this one.

Video Game Region:

Bowser Super Mario Brothers (1) 

v. Ridley Metroid (5)  –

Matt- Bowser has steamrolled the competition so far, and as formidable as Ridley is, I don’t see this as the round Bowser goes home.  The king of the Koopas keeps on rolling.

Nik- Bowser it is. Ridley is too niche to withstand Bowser’s might.

Ganon Legend of Zelda (2) v. 

Dr. Wiley Mega Man (3) –

Matt- I like Dr. Wiley, I do, but there aren’t many video game villains that are as evil as Ganon, and I can’t look past that when I’m making my pick.  Ganon wins easily.

Nik- You all know how I feel about Ganon. I’m very pleased to see him go this far. And expect to see him go the rest of the way.

Who's in Your What Now?

Those crazy eyes are the universal symbol for being tired, in case you weren't aware.

Padawan

What would you do if Liam Neeson was in your mac and cheese?  

I would probably check the expiration date on the milk used in the recipe, but that's just me.

Not So New Comic Review: Guardians of the Galaxy (1991) #26

                I know, you’ve waited for a long time to see this, the secret origin of the Guardians, and I don’t blame you for being excited as we have been teased with the “War of the Worlds” that basically wiped out most of the life on Earth and the Badoon committing genocide on multiple planets as major turning points in the origin of the Guardians, so it’ll be nice to fina….wait, what’s that?  The War of the Worlds is not touched on and the Badoon genocide is basically all done by the time we join this origin story?  Well shit, ok, let’s get this over with.

                The secret origin starts with Charlie-27 coming back from an incredibly long (six month) patrol.  When no one is there to greet him upon his arrival, he gets suspicious, and when the Badoon show up and start shooting at him, it’s confirmed, something is up and his people are toast.  Instead of sticking around though, he decides to enter an interstellar teleporter (or actually, the Badoon decide for him as they continue to chase and shoot at him until he teleports).  Charlie doesn’t even have the opportunity to choose his destination as he has to get the hell out of dodge to avoid certain death.  Luckily, Starhawk is pulling the strings to bring the Guardians together (which is basically the whole gist of this issue, and we get that reveal on page four) so he sets the teleporter for Pluto, Martinex’s home planet.

                Once Charlie is on Pluto, he’s greeted by more Badoon, and their creepy winged-cat things.  As he is running from them, he bumps into Martinex, who was just about to abandon Pluto as he is the last of his race left (he’s spent the last few months destroying files and research so it doesn’t fall into the hands of the Badoon).  Charlie and Marty then escape using another teleporter, this one set for Earth as they assume that Earth would be the last planet to fall.  They are probably correct, but they are also too late, as Earth has fallen. 

This is shown to be true because Vance Astro is held captive in front of a Badoon king (you can tell he’s the king because of the pope-hat crown he’s wearing).  We then get to learn all of Vance’s origin, being shot into space to check out a distant planet, but instead the technology for interstellar travel is developed only a few short years later, making his journey unnecessary.  Instead of getting a regular job, Vance decides to explore the terrain he was sent to explore anyway, even though it has already been explored for years.  It’s here that he meets up with Yondu, who is in super-savage mode (you can tell because of the ratty loincloth).  Vance and Yondu become tenuous partners from tehn on.  In fact, that partnership is about to be broken as the Badoon king instructs Vance to kill Yondu, but instead, they escape.  As they are getting to the teleporters, Charlie and Marty arrive.  Everyone fights off the Badoon and they escape.  It is then that they decide to band together as the Guardians of the Galaxy.

Next issue: We get to learn the secret of Talon (tell me you’re super excited about that one, considering the fact that Talon is such an awesome character).

Sleep Deprived

You know you're sleep deprived when your mac and cheese feels your pain.

Villain Bracket Second Round Breakdown

Please note, the names in italics are the movie/comic/cartoon/game that the villain appears.

Comic Book Region:

Dr. Doom Fantastic Four (1) v. 

Loki Thor (9) –

Matt- There’s an outside chance Loki could win this one based on his boom in popularity since The Avengers, but I think Doom gets the coolness factor plus the legacy vote. 

Nik- It ultimately depends on the bulk of who’s voting. If it’s staunch comic nerds, Doom wins. If it’s those who’ve hopped on the comic train after the movies, 

I believe Loki’d take it.

Galactus Fantastic Four (5) v.

Magneto X-Men (4) –

Matt- This one is tough.  While I really like Magneto, I don’t think he would top Galactus.  When you eat planets as a job and a hobby, you’ve got quite the leg-up on your competition.

Nik- Could Magneto manipulate Galactus’s armor and stuff? Maybe. He is pretty powerful. But, in terms of all around bad-assery, I have to agree with Matt here, Galactus would totally win.

Thanos Various Marvel Comics (6) 

v. Lex Luthor Superman (3) –

Matt- Thanos was able to take one for “Team Marvel” in the first round, but this one will go to Lex Luthor.

Nik- Again, I have to agree. If this came out post-Guardians of the Galaxy movie, maybe Thanos’d stand a chance. As of right now, though, Luthor wins.

 

Joker Batman (2) v. 

Apocalypse X-Men (10) –

Matt- Joker, all the way.  Maybe after X-Men: Apocalypse comes out in a few years will he have some more juice in this fight, but between the movies, comics and Arkham video games, Joker will be a pretty tough out.

Nik- Joker is the quintessential villain in my eyes. While Apocalypse is cool in his own right, Joker has much more backing here. And, c’mon, Mark Hamill did his voice.

Cartoon Region:

Megatron Transformers (1) v. 

Mr. Burns The Simpsons (8)  –

Matt- I like Mr. Burns here, the problem is that I like Megatron more.  If it was anyone else against Mr. Burns I would pick him but the eight seed hamstrung him.

Nik- Nope. I still think Mr. Burns wins. I think you’re letting your love for Transformers cloud your vision here.

Mumm-Ra Thundercats (5) v. 

Skeletor He-Man (4) –

Matt- This is an interesting matchup as two of my favorite cartoon villains growing up go head to head.  I will have to give it to Skeletor, but this will be close.

Nik- Wow. Yeah. These are the ultimate classics here. I would actually go with Mumm-Ra on this one, because he was always much scarier to me.

 

Shredder Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (3)  

v.  Gargamel Smurfs (11) –

Matt- Somehow, Gargamel won in the first round, but his luck runs out here against Shredder. 

Nik- Haha. Gargamel. Ah. Shredder wins.

Krang Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (7) v. 

Cobra Commander GI Joe (2) –

Matt- You know what?  I’m going to call the upset.  Krang over Cobra Commander.  There, I did it.

Nik- I would actually agree with Matt here, and not even call it an upset. A brain in a weird bionic dude’s stomach? Way better than Cobra Commander, the Team Rocket of GI Joes.

Movie Region:

Darth Vader Star Wars (1) v. 

Leatherface Texas Chainsaw Massacre (8) –

Matt- Leatherface’s narrow victory in round one just set him up to be smoked by Vader in round two.

Nik- Yeah. Vader will stomp Leatherface. No doubt.

Voldemort Harry Potter (5) v. 

Sauron The Lord of the Rings (4) –

Matt- This is tough.  Not being a fan of Harry Potter I would choose Sauron, but I have a feeling this is Voldemort’s to lose.

Nik- I think Voldemort could totally take Sauron. What’s Sauron, really? An eyeball with a couple Nazgul? He Who Shall blahblahblah wins.

Dracula Dracula (6) v. 

Alien Alien (3) –

Matt-  I like the Xenomorph here, but only barely.  I could easily see Dracula taking this.  Regardless, it’ll be close.

Nik- Xenomorph, all the way! He will wreck the vamp!

Predator Predator (2) v. 

Michael Corleone 

The Godfather (10) –

Matt- Corleone was bad, the Predator is worse.  I think the Predator wins convincingly.

Nik- This is like saying an apple is more evil than an orange. Two different types of nutritious evil. But I will definitely have to go with the Predator on this one. Much cooler. 

Now, if Al Pacino had played the Predator…

Video Game Region:

Bowser Super Mario Brothers (1) v. Donkey Kong Donkey Kong (9) –

Matt- Donkey Kong’s victory will be short-lived as Bowser wins this one.

Nik- Wow. Mario’s nemeses. Bowser is just way cooler than DK as a villain, I’m afraid. Despite the old school\nostalgic factor, the ape goes down.

Ridley Metroid (5) v. 

Eggman Sonic the Hedgehog (4) –

Matt- I’m going to choose Ridley here, more out of wishful thinking than anything else.

Nik- Haha. Likewise. It saddens me a little that Eggman’s gone this far.

 

M. Bison Street Fighter (6) v. 

Dr. Wiley Mega Man (3) –

Matt- Dr. Wiley for the win!

Nik- Raul Julia as M. Bison? Still couldn’t beat the creepy evil scientist. I am definitely letting childhood memories affect this decision, but Wiley.

Goro Mortal Kombat (7) v. 

Ganon Legend of Zelda (2)–

Matt- I like Goro, I really do, but much like Mr. Burns I think he’s just a victim of his seed as Ganon is too much.

Nik- Ganon. No question. Goro’s cool and all. But, c’mon. Zelda or Mortal Kombat? Ganon to the end.