Hell’s Kitchen Episode Six: The teaser is just a tease.

                When last we left Hell’s Kitchen, there were four individuals on the chopping block, and all had been instructed to remove their jackets with Ramsay saying he was going to do something that he had never done before.  Naturally at this point you would expect to see the entire group sent home, or at least a vast majority right?  He has done the switch teams thing before, so that can’t be it.  What do we get when this episode begins? 

Nothing.

                Or at least the closest to nothing you can really get.  Ramsay is keeping the jackets of the four contestants and will reward them at a certain point after they earn them back.  Lame.  At least make the chefs have to be part of the winning tea, in the reward challenge to save themselves.  This was the first big tease from last episode (the second is coming up later). 

                The next reward challenge requires the contestants to make Chinese food.  I can’t really say much about this because there was really no drama here.  The chefs cooked, some were good, some were merely okay.  One of the guys had never cooked Chinese food before, something that he continues to reiterate, either to gain sympathy from us when he fails miserably, or surprise when he succeeds (it’s the second one by the way).  It just so happens that he is the last dish up and his win gets the blue team a reward challenge victory. 

                While the men celebrate their victory (and old guy along with snooty stringbean one celebrate getting their jackets back), the women have to not only make dumplings for that evening’s dim sum appetizer during dinner service, but they also have to eat a balut egg (one of those eggs that you usually see on Fear Factor).  They choke down the eggs, before they come right back up which makes the guys’ fish-head soup punishment look tame in comparison. 

                Dinner service actually doesn’t go that poorly, at least they complete it without getting kicked out.  Maybe my expectations have been lowered by watching them muddle about all season long, but not getting kicked out equals a “win” in my book.  The dim sum appetizer I mentioned before is prepared tableside, which is no problem for the red team, but Ramsay put old guy in charge of it in the blue kitchen and he takes forever to prepare and serve them, to the point where he is actually holding up a relatively smoothly operating kitchen at that point.  The red team fares better as they have no problem with the dim sum appetizer and squeaky voice and fat black girl cook risotto well enough to get their jackets back (that’s all they had to do Ramsay, really?)  Entrees are where everything falls apart for both sides.  We can start with their general ineptitude to complete simple tasks in a timely fashion, but compound that with the fact that there are VIPs at the chef’s tables and everything is magnified. 

                We’ll start with the red team.  It all comes down to communication and the same blonde dumbass from last episode that still has trouble telling anyone and everyone the cooking times on her food.  This episode she was on the meat station.  Considering the fact that meat, by rule, takes longer to cook than just about anything else that would be served at the restaurant, you would think that she would be in constant communication with her team members about how long she has left to cook so that everyone can get the food up to the pass at the same time.   Instead, we get her walking around, lost in her own little world and leaving everyone else to guess.  Even direct questions concerning the length of cook time remaining go unanswered.  She even has the audacity to complain to the camera, explaining that it is not her job to call out times and keep thing s running smoothly.  The fuck it isn’t!  That is exactly your job!  She is either purposefully sabotaging her team mates or she is too stupid to realize that a successful kitchen is based on constant communication.  This royally screws the girl on the fish station, who doesn’t seem to have it all together anyway and just gets thrown way off her game because she is forced to guess the appropriate time to drop her fish.  This all comes to a head when the silent dumbass drops the rack of lamb for the chef’s table.  Right on the ground, just falls right out of the pan.  At this point, the rest of the ticket is ready to go and because she has to cook a whole new lamb entrée (which, considering its thickness is probably tied with the Wellington for longest cook-times in the kitchen) everything else needs to be restarted.  Good job, dummy.

                As a quick aside, the view of the VIP leaving that was shown in this episode’s promos apparently never happens, or I blinked and missed it.  If it did happen, Ramsay would have canned someone right then and there though, so I have a feeling that it was all another tease.  Damn you Hell’s Kitchen, you’re like a prom queen with a promise ring!

                The blue kitchen is going along generally well until the VIP table’s entrée comes up.  Both the individuals at the VIP table order fish, which if you ask the douchey haircut grand champion (who is on the fish station tonight), is his forte.  Not so fast, buddy.  He struggles mightily on the fish station, sending up raw shrimp which Ramsay quickly sends back.  I’ve cooked shrimp before, it’s harder to make sure that they are not overdone than it is to undercook them unless you space out completely.  That’s really it though.  Snooty stringbean one (who acts like a major tool the whole time) does an excellent job on the meat station, and both sides complete their dinner service.

                Ramsay is still not happy though.  Due to the errors with the chef’s tables, he deems this service a loss for both teams.  They are both tasked with nominating two people for elimination.  The red team has it fairly easy, between the silent dumbass and compatriot on the fish station, they have their sacrificial lambs, ha! lamb, get it?  The blue team has a harder time.  Sure the fact that old guy was too slow with the dim sum made him an easy target while the blue team decides to go with snooty stringbean one as their second choice instead of the obvious choice, douchey haircut grand champion.  This perplexes Ramsay as snooty stringbean one had a good service, but he’s just a terrible person so Ramsay allows him to step forward. 

                In kind of a surprise considering the fact that many of her errors were due to silent dumbass, fish station girl is sent home.  Still no sign of a hug or even a handshake by Ramsay.  He, like the rest of us, probably hate these people and is most likely envisioning next season’s competition taking place with robots as contestants.  At least they didn’t leave us hanging with a well-placed “to be continued” like the last couple weeks.

                Next week, snooty stringbean one has a meltdown, says something offensive to Ramsay and walks out.  Is snooty stringbean one gone for good?  Is any of this real?  Does anyone really care?  Tune in tonight and then meet me back here next week!